Fit by 41, Maybe 42

Hip Bursitis

2011-08-31T06:45:00.001-06:00

I was diagnosed with bursitis a couple of weeks ago when I was experiencing pain in both hips. Now my moderately-active lifestyle has been reduced to almost sedentary. No stairs. No walks.

I miss my long walks. They help clear my head, perk up my mood, and keep depression at bay. My mom has a new in-chair-aerobics exercise dvd for us to try. That should help.

The good news: the medication, an anti-inflammatory called diclofenac, seems to be kicking in. I was more active yesterday. The goal is to do more strength training for hips and core. And, of course, get the joint-damaging poundage off.

I've been tracking my calories and had reduced them during my sedentary days. I had lost 7 pounds but am since up 2. More adjustments.

Here's a quote from Angela's blog, Isla de Angela: What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?

I hope you have a great day!

A Woman Can Change Her Mind, Can't She?

2011-08-05T14:57:00.000-06:00

Remember how I said I would never count calories,again? Well, technically, I’m not, but I’mletting a computer program do it for me. The history of my anti-calorie-counting came from going on a veryrestrictive diet about 13 years ago. Ihad to have a certain number of servings of this and that and the other. I had my measuring cups, spoons, pencil,paper, charts, and calculator. I wentcrazy. And I began on abinge-and-purge path. No more calorie-counting for me. (Ironically, Iwish I was at the weight I was when I started that stupid diet.)

Recently, I began a program about intuitive eating (Eatingfor Your Soul). I liked that the program was alsoanti-calorie-counting, saying restricting and counting calories could be disrespectful to the body, which isperfectly capable to teach you what to feed it. I need help, though, while learning to be taught (huh?). About two days ago, a thought floated throughmy mind as I was reading the EFYS workbook, “Gina, isn’t it possible that it’sdisrespectful to your body right now to not count calories? Your body hurts and is having weight-relatedissues. You have a better understandingabout being more respectful to yourself. Maybe watching calories can be blended with that knowledge.” EFYS is good for maintaining, but it isn’t a weightloss program.

I researched how many calories I needed to lose weight at arate of 1.5 pounds per week with my current activity level, age, and weight. I also came across a site that helps youcount the calories. I played around withit and am actually pleased with it. Oneof the things I like about it is the analysis feature letting me know whatnutritional requirements I've met and what I am in need of. If you're interested, the site is http://caloriecount.about.com

I don’t know how long this will last. It's only been a couple of days. Maybe the novelty will wear off or I’ll startgoing crazy, again. Or, maybe none ofthose things will happen, and I may have begun something that will last. It’s worth the try.

There are differences this time compared to 13 years ago:

I have more nutritional info and an appreciation for avariety of real foods.

There is NO specified diet this time. The suggested calorie intake is a referencepoint. If I’m not hungry, I’m not goingto force myself to eat. If I've met the calorielimit but feel very hungry, I’m going to eat.

I have an arsenal of vegetables. I’ve been learning new veggie recipes, and Iactually like them. This makes eatingmore possible while still staying under the calorie reference point.

I've learned from Eating for Your Soul. There’s more to learn and practice, and I mayadjust some of it for my life, but it is a valuable tool.

I have a computer. Nomore pencils, notebooks, thick calorie book, nor calculator. Yay, technology!

My fear is dealing with emotional eating. No perfect eating plan will keep me from destructivebehavior. What I need is a perfectcoping plan.

June Gone So Soon

2011-07-03T20:45:00.000-06:00

Source
This is NOT my summer so far.

June has kicked me in the butt. I have absolutely nothing to complain about -- it's been great, actually -- but just so busy. It's like every moment is spoken for. No lazy days of summer here.

But now, I have an empty house (even the dog has gone to Grandma's), so I thought I'd check in.

I've maintained my weight, which pretty much means I'm still fat. I've really been lacking the meal-planning department and have not been cooking much. The amount of restaurant and fast food we've consumed astounds even me (not to mention the cost). Ugh. I feel hypocritical because my beliefs have been "I shouldn't be too busy to eat right." Then, when demands on my time increase, I'm in the frame of mind, "Okay, I'm needed here. Let me get this done then it's back on the straight and narrow." Or "There's only so much I can do in a day, you want me to cook, too?"

{grrr, empty house not empty anymore -- sigh}

I have been walking, though, which is a God-send. It has really perked up my energy and mood, AND I've been staying off the caffeine, which helps me sleep better at night. High activity - good; not caring what I eat - bad.

So, what happened with the Eating for Your Soul program? I still believe in most of it, but I have not been applying myself or given much thought to intuitive eating. It's a program that teaches about having a good relationship with food and your body, but it's not a weight-loss program. When I told the leader, Jarah, at the last meeting I've really enjoyed the program and felt I learned and applied a lot BUT that I have to lose the weight -- it's not an option, my body and especially my feet hurt -- and how do I go about it, she pretty much said that when I work the program, I'll eventually start eating less and less. She added I won't lose the weight until I stop thinking about losing the weight.

That was so discouraging. Maybe she's right, but she hasn't lived it. How does she know? Food (overeating/binges/obesity) has not been an issue for her. That's irrelevant, I suppose, because I'm the one that has to take the time to focus on what I'm putting in my mouth and why. Like any program, I have to do my part. In all honesty, I haven't (except for the exercise).

Jarah recommended one-on-one work, and I agreed, but I haven't heard from her since. I also wanted to purchase two more workbooks (one for my mom and I to work on together and one for a friend). I was supposed to get those over a month ago, but I haven't even received a phone call nor an email.

...not sure why... maybe her summer has been as busy as mine...

I hope you have a great Independence Day

Exercise with Immediate Results!

2011-06-09T02:57:00.167-06:00

"Don't you just love it when exercise feels like it has a purpose?!"

That was a comment from Jill under my "5K Pioneer Style" post. And it is so true. For a person that likes to see immediate results for effort, it's hard to walk on a treadmill that goes nowhere or lift a bunch of weights and then look in the mirror to see nothing has changed.

Well, here's some exercise with purpose. (I should have taken a before picture). Recently, I've been putting in a garden. My yard is on a slope, and I wanted a place to grow vegetables, so I put in a couple of retaining walls and soil.

When I said "I put in," I literally meant I put it in and didn't hire someone.

-Dug in and removed sod and hauled it

-Loosened dirt underneath, removed rocks and chunks of cement

-Picked up retaining wall bricks brick-by-brick from d.i.y. center and put them on hand cart.

-Put the bricks brick-by-brick into vehicle, then out of vehicle, then eventually into position, carrying many uphill.

-Did this also with soil.

This is the top level.

The almost-finish product.
I started off with two short walls that just
ended bluntly . I added the top level and
extended the bottom levels, curving them around.

There, I planted white onions, garlic, collard greens, Swiss chard, lettuce, lots of spinach, summer squash, jalapeño peppers, carrots, parsnips, sugar snap peas, cucumbers, basil, cilantro, radishes, and tomatoes. The Brussels sprouts will go in later, and I need to find a spot for the spaghetti squash. I may plant them in front of my house with some pumpkins.

Hopefully something grows.

After I finished the garden, neighbors came over and offered their unused garden plots for our use. They are elderly and don't keep them up. My kids were thrilled! We've been weeding and hand-tilling (okay, they weren't thrilled about that part). My 11 y.o. son planted his corn "field." My 5 y.o. son planted his watermelon patch. And my 10 y.o. daughter is surrounding the garden with giant sunflowers. I'm putting in cantaloupe.

We're dirty. We're tired. I'm sore. But it's great to accomplish something.

I may see that I don't look much different in the mirror, but the yard sure is different, and that is so satisfying. I tried to use good form while lifting each brick or shovel. It seemed like every muscle was being used.

And I was tired each day. A good tired.

I'm not trading my weights or kettlebell for a landscaping business, but it was nice to exercise the original way for a while.

I have a friend who's exercise routine is vigorously cleaning her house. She really puts herself into it and works up a sweat.

Do you have a non-gym activity that gives you a good work-out?
Blogging has not been on the forefront. I hope to catch up with y'all in between summer activities (including weeding).

Blurry and Out of Focus

2011-05-19T05:57:00.000-06:00

It's 4 in the morning and my head is spinning with my to-do lists. Items continue to be added to it, and the line between what is important and what is urgent is blurred. Everything is good, but it's so easy to slip back into old, familiar eating and ~~non~~exercise patterns when there is a lot demanded from me.

I noticed lately that I'm not taking the time to truly taste my food nor eat slowly. I'm busting over my stop signals and eating things that I don't even like much.

Source

I am by habit a "chaotic eater"* as defined by Jarah Christensen's Eating For Your Soul. When I multi-task and am being pulled in many directions, I don't take the time to feed myself. Then I become famished and make poor food choices and overeat or binge on those poor choices. Starve - binge - starve - binge. When I'm in this chaotic mode, I hate dealing with food (especially when I'm the only one that cooks). I don't hate cooking, but there's only so much of me and my time, and I don't want to deal with it.

So, yes, I'm slipping back into that way of eating. "Chaos is not conducive to listening to my body." No kidding.

I've also traditionally been an "emotional eater." I don't think I've slipped back into this. If I have, then not by much. But, I don't emotionally binge the way I used to: buying packages/trays/bakery boxes of pastry-type stuff and digging in, sometimes crying, sometimes numbly staring off into space.

*{Other types of eaters are: Control Eaters, Professional Dieter, Waste-Not Eater, Offend-Not Eater, Emotional Eater, and Closet Eater}.

Source

So, what am I going to do about this? I can't be cloned. The list isn't going away.

I am important; my well-being is good for everybody and the list.

Be still, then move
First, renew my focus. I will take quiet time for myself -- no kids, no computer, no list -- and meditate/ponder/pray about what I want to do for my body that day. I'll write it down, say it out loud, come up with a mantra - something - to reinforce listening to my body.

Second, move. I will take at least a 5 minute walk or turn on music and dance. This is separate from regular exercise. This is just to pump up some energy and my mood. If I can take a quiet walk, that will help clear my head about priorities.

My plan of action doesn't seem like much, but it's a foundation. It's so easy for me to just roll out of bed and get into auto-mommy mode and not even think about the day ahead or to let the day go by without focus nor quiet time.

What do you do to get your vision back?

5K Pioneer Style

2011-05-13T21:21:00.000-06:00

I don't remember having such fun school field trips when I was a kid in Phoenix, AZ. Today I helped chaparone a 20-handcart trek for my daughter's 4th grade field trip -- it was literally a trip through a field.

Each handcart had a "pioneer family" of about 8 people. We took the handcarts from her school, through the neighborhood and turned into a field and then crossed a creek (mud and all) into a wetland reserve that I never would have known was there from driving by. There we had a chuck-wagon lunch and learned different skills at several stations.

What's a Handcart?
During the 1800's, memebers of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka "Mormons") were driven from their homes in Nauvoo, Illinois. They were forced to leave during winter, crossing the frozen Mississippi river. In an extremely over-simplified nutshell, when they were able to regroup, they headed West to find a place they could worship without persecution. Some had covered wagons and horses, but supplies and money dwindled, and many resorted to handcarts.

Here in Utah, especially Utah County, having pioneer ancesestors is common, even if one isn't an active LDS member. Students are taught to appreciate what the pioneers went through for they are such a strong part of Utah history and it's settlement.

I had a great time, and was super hot and tired when finished. I'm treating a headache now -- so worth it. I'm thankful for a cool home to go to and clean water from the faucet.

I hope you enjoy the pictures.

Beginning our trek from the school and through
the neighborhood.

"Fun" hills.

Going down and down and down.
The kids had to do all the work.
The front steers. Those holding the back of the
cart keep it from going too fast. Those with the
ropes are the "brakes."
Teamwork. Trust.

Muddy creek.

Marie and me.
(That dress is so comfortable and forgiving.)

Marie catching a bug.

Row of 20 handcarts.

Stew by the stream.
(And cornbread with honey butter and the best
apple I've ever had).

I get to call this part of my home.

Marie and me.

My girl.

Trekkin' On

2011-05-10T21:32:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry I haven't been around lately nor visited your blogs. Anybody else feeling the end-of-the-school-year crunch? Reports are due. Costumes need to be made. Field trips attended. It's all good but just busy. I'll be going with my daughter on her 4th grade field trip: a pioneer handcart trek this Friday to aid in Utah history studies. I'm getting our "pioneer" clothing and supplies ready.

Then we'll be getting up the next morning at 5:30 to get ready for her Irish dance competition that day.

Next in line is making a sea-creature type costume for her 4th grade "opera" which she is dreading. "It's so embarrassing," she says. She's looking forward to making the costume, though.

I'm feeling bloated and bleh. Last week I was roaming for chocolate. I ~~stopped~~ paused myself and wondered why I wasn't listening to my stop signals. I checked my calendar and sure enough, I was two days away from "lady time" (as a blogging friend calls it), and the urge to overeat was strong. I became extra busy and didn't plan very well and my choices were not good. My body has been complaining about it, too.

How was your Mother's Day? I have a funny story. Last Sunday, my youngest needed my help cleaning him after his BM. So there I am, toilet paper in hand and helping him when he sweetly and sincerely said, "Happy Mother's day, Mommy."

"Food" -- Poor Puppy Dog (Quickie Humor)

2011-05-06T20:35:00.001-06:00

source

I noticed the original link was broken. I have since updated The Ultimate Dog Tease link.

This reminds me of me during a restrictive, deprivation diet!

Click HERE.
(About 1 minute length).

Decoffeenated

2011-04-29T19:16:00.002-06:00

photographyblogger.net

Oh, the aroma! Sweet heaven. I love the smell of coffee. It brings back great childhood memories of waking up every day to the familiar and comforting scent of my father's coffee.

When Danny and I were first married in '95, we used to enjoy our morning coffee together. We had our own bean grinder and would explore different flavors. At night, we enjoyed our beer and brandy. We fell in love over Malibu rum and Bob Marley. In the morning, we'd start another day with some java.

This went on until 1999 when we both vowed to forgo any addictive and/or harmful substances; this included coffee, certain teas, alcohol, and tobacco. We were following council from the Word of Wisdom, a law of health adopted by the church we converted to.

Source

We were fortunate enough to be able to give up those items without too much trouble. Maybe being excited about our new life made it easier. We were abstinent for many, many years.

But, I became a coffee-drinker, again. It didn’t happen overnight. It began with caffeine tablets once per month to help me through PMS. Then it became ½ tsp instant coffee once per month. The coffee use joe-balled to more and more – stronger doses, more days per month, more times per day. I would stay up later, telling myself I’d make up for it with a cup of coffee in the morning. The longer my to-do lists became, the more I would drink. I had many excuses to justify my use.

Source

I wasn’t getting the same effect as I once did. It used to make me happier, brighten my day, reduce my anxiety, ward off depression, and give me enough energy for the demands of motherhood. Towards the end, I was more tired with uneven moods. I felt I had to have it and was dependent on it. It certainly didn’t help control my appetite; if anything, it stimulated it.

Source

I’ve been studying intuitive eating and exercising the past several months. Those things emphasize listening to the body. It dawned on me that I was not listening to my body’s cues and was instead trying to manipulate them with coffee. I began pondering again the wisdom behind the Word of Wisdom.

Source

About that time, I became ill. I thought this was a perfect time to completely detox from caffeine. I felt horrible anyway, what were a few more caffeine headaches/migraines?

That was a few weeks ago, and I see and feel a huge difference now that I vowed to not drink coffee anymore. I wake easily in the morning. I fall asleep faster at night. I do get tired in the afternoon, but instead of ignoring my body’s signal for rest, I honor it and sit or lie down for 5-10 minutes with my eyes closed. I’m not groggy afterwards. To perk up (and if I have time), I take a 10-20 minute walk. Sometimes dancing around the kitchen is a good substitute. And, without the stimulating caffeine, I can also listen to my body’s true hunger cues. My next goal is to simplify my life so I don’t have a marathon of activities tempting me to bring on the brew, again.

I still love the smell and have a coffee-scented candle. Gotta say, though, it feels good to be decoffeenated.

Source

Has anyone else given up coffee (or sodas)?

Parsnip Pancakes

2011-04-27T08:29:00.000-06:00

I tried a new veggie on my family: parsnips. Here is the link for the recipe: Parsnip Pancakes (they actually look like hash browns) at What Am I Supposed To Do With That?

Vitamins

Parsnips are rich in several vitamins. A serving provides 38 percent DV for vitamin C, which helps form collagen; maintain capillaries, bone and teeth; metabolize protein; and absorb iron. Vitamin K, which acts a coenzyme during the synthesis of proteins involved in blood clotting and bone metabolism, is present at 37 percent DV. Parsnips contain 22 percent DV for folate, which aids in protein metabolism, prevents megaloblastic anemia, helps lower blood homocysteine levels and prevents neural tube birth defects. They also provide 13 percent DV for vitamin E which, along with vitamin C, is a powerful antioxidant. Parsnips have 8 percent DV for thiamine and pantothenic acid, and 4 to 6 percent DV for riboflavin, niacin and B-6.

Parsnips also provides 6.5 g fiber, or 26 percent of the Daily Value (DV).

Snack Attack Report 5 and Quality

2011-04-22T18:58:00.002-06:00

A month has passed since I began the experiment, and it's time to reevaluate. Neither DH nor I were comfortable with how much sugar was being consumed, and DH was not happy with the eat-when-you-want-to practice. We did like how certain foods weren't as big of a deal anymore and how competitive eating stopped.

Observations:
5 y.o. - He: shared his stash often,went through it slowly, chose to snack on a variety of real and play foods

10 y.o. - She: went through her stash slowly, shared with her friends, chose to snack on a variety of real and play foods, ate a lot more candy than usual (Before the experiment, her holiday candy would sit on a shelf, forgotten. When it became part of her stash, she began eating it more and more).

11 y.o. - He: went through stash quickly (nearly empty by Fri's restocking day), prefers the extra-sugary stuff, does enjoy and requests fresh fruit

Me: I had no desire to dip into their stash; I had my own: a large bag of peanut M&M's that I'm still working on (In all fairness, I was sick for two weeks and had no desire for them. Otherwise, they'd be gone, I'm sure). I keep a zip-bag of them in my purse along with some pecans.

What's Next:
We are continuing the snack stash boxes with modifications. Each box will have (typically): favorite nuts, dried fruit, real granola bars (not candy bars disguised as granola bars), and ONE play food -- all customized to their tastes. Additionally, I'm buying different types of beef jerky for them to try -- a higher quality*, less greasy variety -- and ad to their boxes.

5 y.o.'s choices: pistachios and cashews, raisins, rolled wafer cookies (plus the granola bars and beef jerkey I'm having them try)

10 y.o.'s choices: pistachios, dates, Lindt dark chocolate truffles* (plus granola bars)

11 y.o.'s choices: cashews, apricots, pop tarts (3 of the 4 packages in the box), (plus granola bars and beef jerkey I'm having them try).

Guidelines:
-They can eat when they are hungry, BUT they must ask first when the next meal is ready (if it's within 20-30 minutes, they'll need to wait).
-They can snack on veggies and fruit almost any time (supplied in fridge and counter).
-They have to make their play food last at least a week. (We'll restock once per week).
-I will provide additional real-food after-school snacks; then they can dip into their stash if still hungry.
-Future holiday candy: they can choose their ultimate favorites and donate the remainder to the Bishop's office (he has a candy jar).

Source

*Quality
Lindt truffles can be expensive but are a better quality chocolate. I want to encourage them to get a taste for quality in a variety of foods. Then they'll learn that cheap versions are not "worth their taste buds**." We may not purchase a lot, but the quality will be savored. That's also why I'm trying better quality beef jerky for the boys.

I've noticed this for myself: when I choose better quality, I lose a taste for cheap stuff (which is usually less healthy). I've been working to learn to cook and bring in flavorful veggies and better quality meats, etc. In the process, I have lost the taste for most fast-food. (This is a work in progress, one I haven't mastered, yet, but do see changes in).

For example, I used to buy steaks for everyone in the family for dinner. I'd buy the cheaper cuts that didn't turn out very good (I know, my skills may have a lot to do with that). Now, I buy the expensive cuts of meat, but because they are expensive, I buy one cut, and we all (5 of us) share the one. Although less quantity, it's so much better. It's enjoyable. With that joy comes a feeling of being satisfied and fed.

**"Worth my taste buds" is a quote from Jarah and Eating for Your Soul -- That quote resonates in my head as I make choices and gives me much to ponder upon.

Exfoliate the Scale

2011-04-19T07:58:00.000-06:00

I used to weigh myself everyday, and every month I would do several measurements and report them on the side bar: BMI, belly fat, fat %, etc. The scale messed with my mind. I'd lose weight, see the number go down and think, "That was easy," then not be diligent. Or, I'd feel like I should have lost weight, (worked hard, felt good in my skin, happy), then I'd see the number higher than expected and feel like giving up.

I stopped weighing myself several months ago as a challenge from Jarah (Eating for Your Soul - a program about intuitive eating/exercising and spiritual growth). This is an action about being more kind and respectful to myself.

Here's a quote from Jarah, "Getting on the scale is all about judgment, and it brings you back to the diet perspective you learned about in Step Two. You are letting the numbers determine your day and once you get on the scale, the thoughts of calorie counting, good vs. bad food, and exercise for the sake of weight loss return and there you go! To stop the cycle and the diet perspective, you need stop weighing yourself. It's about giving up the need to control the body so that you can start to listen to it."

It's been an empowering experience after packing away the scale. I pay more attention to how tight or loose my clothing are instead, and I take other cue's from my body. If I have been exercising and eating quality foods, I feel great. I don't need a scale to throw me off track.

This step also included getting rid of clothes that didn't fit (posted about it here). That was really tough for me, and I didn't do it the first time I went through the program/steps. I felt like I was some how giving up ever being size I want to be, again, by getting rid of the clothes. This time I compromised and instead packed my favorite too-small clothes away in the garage. Now, every item in my closet fits me, and it's no longer depressing to go in there.

Do you have any non-scale victories (NSV)?

Snack Attack Report 3 and 4

2011-04-15T10:13:00.000-06:00

You would think being sick in bed would be the perfect time to blog. Strangely, I haven't felt like blogging or being on the computer at all for over a week. I barely watched television. I slept when I could and read quite a bit (as well as exercising my brain with several Sudoku puzzles). Reading and rest are luxuries I'm not afforded very often. Maybe that will be "my thing" to be passionate about (referring to a previous post about passions and hobbies).

I haven't been diligent about keeping track and restocking the snack boxes during my sick time. I notice my 5 yo shares with everybody without even being asked which is so different than my oldest (see photo below). My daughter is eating more of her Halloween candy than before (she used to forget about it).

Before getting sick I restocked with:

5 yo
Slim Jims
Fruit snacks
Fig Bars
Fruit leather

10 yo
Dark Choc M&Ms
Better quality fruit leather than last week
Raspberries

11 yo
8 Pop Tarts (UGH! I KNOW!!!)
BBQ Kettle baked potato chips (I don't know if baked is that much better than fried)
Fruit leather
Raspberries

This week, they all asked for pop tarts and granola bars (I did introduce organic alternatives).

It's been about a month. I'd like to continue a version of the snack boxes similar to what I did for the second week: have one of their favorite play foods mixed in with real-food snacks like a favorite nut, dried fruit, granola bar, beef jerky. I will continue to serve fruit and/or veggies after-school-snacks.

"Thomas's Pepsi Not everybody's!
Do NOT touch !!!!"
Yeah, a little possessive.

I haven't spoken to DH about continuing the snack box idea. He was against it but said he'd give me a month. Ironically, though, he brought home a six-pack of Pepsi (short cans) for our 11 yo. DH bought himself a liter of Squirt. I.don't.buy.soda. He'll say our son only had 3 and was made to share the rest with his play dates and brother and sister. I'm not comfortable with a soda stash in the house. Maybe it should be included in the true sense of the experiment, but I can't bring myself to include it.

It's a gorgeous spring day today. Time to walk amongst the living. (whiff) Are those pop-tarts I smell?

A Bit of This and That (Ahhchooo!)

2011-04-09T14:55:00.000-06:00

I guess it's my turn to get sick. I'm so wiped out. I haven't felt like being on the computer at all the past few days. I hope all is good in your neck of the woods.

Snack attack reports -- I have a rough draft of the 3rd report I did over a week ago, and I've been too uninterested to even think about it. I think they are doing okay. There's still stuff in there, and I haven't wanted any of it. My own bag of M&M's is still there.

Eating for Your Soul - The 10 week program is over. It's been great. I will now have one-on-one sessions. Some of you may remember I used to type out some of the lesson steps while I believed it was a not-for-profit program. EFYS is going in a different direction, and a publisher is looking at the program. It's not a good idea for me to reveal too much about the steps and content. I hope the publisher scoops this up as is and helps it get off the ground. I see it helping many people.

Well, that's about it. My blanket and pillow have a stronger pull on me than this computer. Stay healthy, everybody.

Candy-free Easter

2011-04-04T12:53:00.000-06:00

Candy-free Easter: 10 Easter basket ideas kids will love - without the sweets - Anne Wallace Allen For The Associated Press - Daily Herald

Susie Peyton, an art teacher in Redwood City, Calif., has always tried to minimize the candy in holiday traditions with her three kids, now ages 11 and 15.

“I’m the awful mom who goes through their Halloween basket and throws out all their hard candy,” said Peyton. “They have a big sweet tooth, and they would eat candy for breakfast if they could.”

Easter, with its expectation of chocolate eggs and marshmallow peeps, presents unique challenges for mothers like Peyton. Store aisles are bulging with Easter-themed chocolate and confectionary.

But there are plenty of other options, as inventive mothers like Peyton have found out over the years. Here are 10 themes for candy-free Easter baskets kids will love.

∫ Gardening basket.

Gardening is at least as much as symbol of Easter as a foil-wrapped rabbit, and a row of carrot tops pushing through the soil is something kids will remember long after the last jelly bean is gone. Instead of using a basket, try a small rubber gardening tub, a plastic watering can, or a bucket organizer — $25 at Gardeners Supply catalogue, www.gardeners.com. Add colorful seed packets, a pair of gardening gloves and a few intriguing gardening tools.

∫ Sleepover basket.

Cradle a pair of slippers, some new pajamas, and a couple of silly joke books or bottles of nail polish in a small, sturdy overnight bag. Add a plain pillowcase and some fabric markers so the child can decorate it. Then add a nightlight. There’s a good selection of affordable ones in themes from Las Vegas to T-Rex at Lamps Plus, bit.ly/dUHibY.

∫ Bird lover’s basket.

Birds are another sure-fire sign of spring. You can use the birdfeeder as the basket; many of them have lift-off roofs that provide an original nest for a bird-friendly collection including birdseed, some seed-covered suet bells, and a pair of inexpensive binoculars or a stuffed owl. The National Audubon Society has a free brochure called “Bird Feeding Basics,” downloadable from its website: bit.ly/fpqIih.

∫ Art basket.

Peyton used to start with an inexpensive plastic beach bucket from the dollar store. Add a sketchbook, gel pens and fancy-edged scissors. Scrapbooking stores carry a fantastic array of rubber stamps or places like Stampadoodle Art & Paper, in Bellingham, Wash., will custom-make any stamp you want. www.stampadoodle.com.

∫ Sports-themed basket, geared toward the passion of the child in question.

For a gymnast, that might mean a new leotard, shorts or warm-up gear, all nestled in a handy mini-laundry basket. Throw in some new grips, chalk or wrist guards. Gymnasts also like gymnastics-themed T-shirts, posters for their rooms, hair ties and the all-important hairspray and curlers. Nail polish is usually prohibited in competition, so add some nail polish remover to the mix. For Little Leaguers, try new batting gloves, baseball hat with the logo of a favorite team, sunglasses and a book about a legendary player. Future hoops stars might like a pump and needles to keep basketballs firm, a team jersey and matching shorts, and a sweatband.

∫ The food basket.

Just because candy is off-limits doesn’t mean all food has to be. Pancake mix, exotic cookies such as Pocki sticks (a Japanese treat available at most Asian stores) and some fresh fruit. Retired Portland, Ore., dietician Carolyn Knutson, who has spent time comparing sports bars, recommends Kashi chewy granola bars, which are low in fat and sugar compared to their shelf-mates at the grocery store.

∫ The goldfish bowl.

Every year, humane organizations around the country plead with parents to steer clear of gift bunnies and chicks because so many of those impulse purchases turn into unwanted pets. But if it’s a live gift you need, try goldfish. The setup is inexpensive, the care is minimal and the fish themselves, in the right setting, are a strangely soothing addition to any kitchen counter.

∫ The cooking basket.

Use a large mixing bowl as your container. Add a kid-sized apron — Williams-Sonoma has a nice one for $22 with a garden theme, www.williams-sonoma.com — and mixing spoons — Anthropologie has beautiful nesting spoons and cup measures, and a darling chicken-themed egg timer — along with a colorful spatula (Oxo’s is just $7.99, available at Bed, Bath & Beyond). As for instructions, there’s no better guide for the newly hatched chef than Georgeanne Brennan’s “Green Eggs and Ham Cookbook.” Brennan shows a rare sensitivity in her treatment of delicacies like Shlopp (homemade granola) and Lime Ice.

∫ The memory basket.

Craft stores like Michaels and Jo-Ann Fabrics sell sturdy decorated cardboard file boxes and upholstered sewing baskets that can be made into scrapbooking kits for the very young. Add a photo album, some scrapbooking paper and some prints, either from your own printer or an inexpensive site like Snapfish, www2.snapfish.com. Add a blank book and an invitation to write in the journal every day, even if it’s only a line.

∫ The sweet-smelling basket.

One of the biggest hits among the seventh-graders I know this Christmas was a scented candle that smelled like a cupcake. As any pre-teen will tell you, you can find a lip gloss, candle, or lotion in almost any flavor or fragrance under the sun. Recently, Jelly Belly got in on the act with a host of products that smell like jelly beans but don’t cause cavities, such as bubble wands, nail polish, candles and even stationery.

And even if you’re anti-candy, consider throwing in a few real jelly beans and chocolate bunnies.

“The bottom line is that all foods have a place in a diet, but it’s a matter of frequency and amount,” said Knutson, who was a department chairwoman at Clackamas Community College in Oregon and has worked in community and hospital nutrition. “It’s OK to have candy on special occasions. It’s a part of living.”

Animal Behavior and Preference for High-Calorie Foods (Answering Anon's Q)

2011-03-31T13:47:00.002-06:00

"Anonymous" posed the following question to me several days ago under my "Snack Attack Experiment" post:

"Just curious about this idea. As a zoology major, what do you think about the tendency of all animals to 'prefer' high-calorie foods as a survival instinct? To clarify: sugar, starches and fats taste 'good' because it is more advantageous to the body than low-calorie food sources like grains or veggies. You know, bigger bang for your dietary buck. Any thoughts?"

I do have thoughts (and rare moments to quietly think them through in a tangible flow). I'm certainly no expert on animal behavior, but I enjoyed mulling over your question. Although I recall reading about this subject, I have no references before me, and I don't know if this tendency applies to "all" animals -- it may, but I can't make that claim. (Continues below picture).

Source: Bansky

What we're talking about:
In a ~~raw, unsalted~~ nut shell, many animals (including us) evolved and experienced times when food was scarce and had to be worked for (hunt, gather, till). It was advantageous to like high-caloric foods in order to be sustained until more food was found. With meat-eaters, for example, the fatty muscles of the kill would be eaten first. That extra energy was needed for survival: obtain more food, find and defend shelter, and do the mating dance (including looking healthy enough to attract a mate).

My youngest.

On top of desiring sweeter, high-caloric choices, our taste buds also detect bitterness - a survival trait to avoid ingesting poisons. Green vegetables can be bitter, especially raw. The bitterness, it's been suggested, is an indication of toxicity. The levels are low in the common green veggies we consume and won't harm us. However, that bitterness is stronger for children's taste buds, they are more sensitive to it. Which makes sense because their bodies are smaller and may not handle the toxicity levels the same way an adult can. Their bodies tell them "Ugh! Don't eat this!" They eventually, with repetitive exposure and patience, will grow into their green veggies and eat them. Until then, they will most likely choose the sweeter, high-caloric foods, which they NEED for their growing bodies and seemingly endless supply of energy. Nuts and fruit certainly fit the bill, but according to their taste buds, so do cookies, ice cream, and candy, and maybe even more so because of the high sugar content.

Therefore, if given a choice between a sweet, high-energy food or a possibly bitter, lower-energy food, the natural tendency is to choose the sweet one, just like Anonymous pointed out.

Our modern lifestyle doesn't require as many fatty/starchy/sugary foods because we move less.

Source

We still need to earn a living to obtain food, find shelter, and support a mate/family -- but now a lot of it can be done while sitting down. Even finding a mate can be done sitting down with computer-dating services.

Source

At the risk of over-simplifying, for much of the modern population, we've moved from an active-because-you-have-to environment to a sit-because-you-can civilization. BUT, we still have the high-caloric-desiring tendencies. Bummer.

Expending energy.

Source

Young children (as well as most young mammals) want to play, jump around, and chase each other; it's part of their development and preparation for adulthood. As adults, energy is conserved for survival needs. Some potential prey will be foregone if the cost of energy to catch it is too great, especially if there are other food sources available, although less-tasty.

For instance, would you run a mile for a hamburger that may or may not be there, or conserve energy and go for positively-available greens, roots, berries and nuts?

But we have many choices at our fingertips. And many of them are poor, inferior choices. They are "convenient" alternatives to the real thing, resulting in not only conserving energy but packing on more "energy stores" a.k.a. "fat" in the process. Thanks to our taste buds, food chemists, food giants and marketing schemes, we learn to prefer fruit snacks to fruit because they are more convenient to eat (it's easier to pop a fruit snack than to deal with sticky fruit, peels and seeds).

At this point you may be thinking I'm ready to chuck my kids' snack boxes and force them to only eat nutrient and power-dense foods.

If we go on mindlessly succumbing to convenient play food and a sedentary lifestyle, our health will pay the toll.
We gravitate towards easy energy disguised as food. Now we need to educate ourselves of the differences, but we still want them! We didn't used to have to learn about the difference between play food and real food. You ate what was available, and what was available was real, and you had to work somehow to get it.

Education will help us stop being mindless/ignorant to what's happening.

toptenz.net

We need to teach ourselves to compensate for lifestyle changes. Manipulated "foods" won't be going away. Sedentary lifestyles are easy to slip into. We, therefore, must wake up and work to try to return some of what our bodies were built to do and process. We have to educate ourselves that our bodies feel better with real foods and activity. Our emotions and mental capacities improve, also.

It takes work/effort/desire to educate ourselves and family to make better choices.
It takes work to provide vegetables and grains in a pleasing way especially if my family isn't used to it. It's so much easier to grab a "convenience" food. When I'm especially hungry, I don't feel like washing and chopping and preparing. I just want to eat. It takes work to plan ahead. And it takes work to educate ourselves that those convenience foods aren't so convenient to our health if they are the main source of our nutrition.

oneshotfitness.com

It may take work for some of us to MOVE in our sedentary lifestyle (and stop conserving energy for the hunt or migration). To some it comes naturally because they know how good moving feels and of its benefits. They have found exercises they like. For others, it takes work to convince themselves to run although no one is chasing them, or climb going no where or to do any kind of exercise that doesn't result in obtaining food and shelter (wouldn't our ancestors laugh at us?!). {Me personally, I know how good activity feels, and my body craves it, but sometimes I ignore my body's incessant reminders that it needs to be more active. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person for most things in my life, including exercises. I'm teaching myself 10 minutes here and there is okay, and that I don't have to act like a person in training}.

Educate ourselves and our family. But who do you believe?
We need to educate ourselves, and it may take trial and error to find what is right you. Now, who do you believe to provide you with accurate information in an ever-changing, multi-million dollar diet industry? Who's expert advice do you believe?

The body, untainted, is an expert. It's amazing. It will tell you when it is hungry and full. It will tell you it didn't like what you just ate. It will tell you what it needs. It has evolved to do that. And in the last 60 or so years, we've managed to mess with its perfect system by ignoring the body's signals.

I'm amazed I found this photo.
I love how "I have a voice" is in front of the
body and stomach area.

We blame ourselves for having cravings.
Cravings are signals from the body. When we go on fad diets and eliminate food groups, the body tells you it needs it. The signal is ignored because it doesn't fit into the diet designed by "experts." The body proceeds to scream for it in the form of cravings. Then you grab a cheap, junky version of what it's really asking for and blame yourself for not having willpower.

I love this quote (don't know the source), "Obesity is a symptom of starvation."
Like I said earlier, the body is the expert. It sends us signals. We grab sub par versions of what it is asking for (we follow only our taste buds), and our bodies never really get fed and sends more signals. There may be something in the stomach, and our taste buds approve, but our bodies are not happy or satisfied -- it's starving for real nutrition.

What to do?
Do I pull the snack stash boxes? No, not yet. I want all of us to be conscious of what is out there and why it is out there and make choices.

I'm not going to be around forever to tell them (my kids), "No, you can't have that (play food)." I want them to learn they can have it but then choose not to most of the time. (Besides, how much more do you want something that you are told you can't have?)

I'm learning how to cook real foods and am teaching my kids how to cook so they are not at the mercy of fast-food chains, packaged foods, and restaurants. The art of cooking in everyday households is disappearing - zap a tray, open a box, dump a can. When all else fails, drive to a drive-thru.

(Interesting, after cooking real foods with real flavors, fast food chains have become unappealing for the most part).

Looks like I've written a lot (Anonymous, are you sorry you asked?).
Other things on my mind but won't get into:
-I wonder if we are the only species that binges. I'm sure there's some rat-study somewhere.
-Emotions, what kind of affect they have on our energy and desire to grab sugar
-Artificial ways of receiving energy
-Thinking you are healthy because you are skinny

Snack Attack Report 2

2011-03-25T21:38:00.001-06:00

One week down, three to go. I was able to talk Danny into giving it a month.

After a week, this is what remains in their stash box:

5 y.o.
5 out of 8 granola bars remain
1/3 bag of Doritos (he shares them with his visiting friends)
7 oz peanut M&Ms (hasn't eaten any)

10 y.o.
5 out of 8 granola bars remain
Doritos still UNopened
6 count of peanut M&Ms
Halloween candy

11 y.o.
0 granola bars
0 Doritos (except some broken pieces)
0 M&Ms

Today was restocking day. I asked the oldest two to make a wish-list, and I would pick two out for each.
-For my daughter (from her wish-list): regular chocolate chip granola bars and fruit leather.
-For my oldest son: chocolate-covered coconut granola bars and fruit snacks.
-My youngest has so much stuff remaining that I didn't ask him for a wish list.
Oh, and look at this >>> My oldest son, without any prompting from me, also requested plums and blackberries. Real, live fruit!!!

They will have more-individualized stash snacks this week than the starting selection from last week. In addition to the two play foods they asked for, I also took the initiative to add pistachios and raisins for all three, small size Slim Jims for the boys -- they really like those, and quality fig bars for my youngest - he loves those). I want to send the message that snacks can include real food as well as pretend play foods.

A Good Sign
My 5 y.o. son was the first to see the new stash. I was busy wrapping my daughter's birthday presents but later noticed that he was eating some raisins, 7 pistachios, and a Slim Jim. They were in the same box as the M&Ms, chocolate-covered granola bars, and Doritos -- but he chose the real-food snacks! (Slim Jims, although salty, are real, aren't they?)

I told him he was eating foods his body likes, and they have good things in them that will help him grow. He said, "I ate healthy things!" Later he said, "I'm gonna get more raisins!" And then moments later, "Yum, yum."

Wow.
And I haven't had the desire to jump into their stash.
Double wow.

http://flyingraisin.com/

Update: When my oldest son saw the box of raisins he shouted, "AHHH!! Get these outa here!" And then he tossed them into the air. I guess raisins aren't his thing. But, he did dig into the plums.

Snack Attack Report

2011-03-22T18:45:00.000-06:00

I began the Snack Attack Experiment a few days ago, and the experiment may be squelched before it has a chance to show its merits (should it have any, that is). DH is having misgivings.

At first he thought it was a good idea and was for it. Now, he wonders, "How will we know it's not working? When will we know? And, will there be irreparable damage if the experiment produces kids hooked on junk and fat?" This experiment goes against all ingrained common sense, and he doesn't want to experiment on his kids.

Fair enough. I get it. I'm discouraged at the same time because I did have some hope. Here's some data from the past few days:

My 5 y.o.:
5/8 of his granola bars remain
Almost all of his MMs remain
Dorito bag is almost full (and he sweetly shares a few with his brother and friend)
He hardly goes to the stash -- maybe he forgets it's there -- and asks for milk, fig bars, or a nectarine, instead.

My 10 y.o.:
6/8 of her granola bars remain (I pack them into her lunch box)
1/4 of her MMs remain (she likes those)
Dorito bag is UNopened -- she said she's not in the mood for them.
She asks me for oranges and grapefruit.

My 11 y.o.:
0/8 granola bars remain (GONE after day 2)
2 measly MMs remain after day 2 (started with 7 oz)
1/4 bag of Doritos remain

Yes, I'm concerned about my 11 y.o. Is he "over-eating," or is he a growing boy with an insatiable appetite that ideally should be filled with power/real food but isn't always?

I expect this experiment to have a period of adjustment where the play treats are a novelty for a week or two and then lose their savor. I think it's too soon to stop it. I'll see if I can talk DH into giving it a month.

Do you know what I wish? I wish this was an ideal world where bottomless pits of trash food didn't exist. I wish only wholesome goods were provided at grocery stores, church functions, potlucks, and parties. No such luck. Instead, I have to help my kids deal with the real world where unreal foods are abundant. I want them to learn that the play food is no big deal and nothing to go crazy about, and that real foods are so much better. I don't want them to be ashamed for snacking on play food (hiding in a closet and thinking, "Oh, I shouldn't be eating this. This is so bad. I'm bad. I can't stop.I better eat this until it's gone.")

Another reason I want to give it month is to also see how I do with the experiment (but, yeah, I shouldn't do it at the kids' expense). My bag of MMs are still there as well as an unopened bag of Doritos, and I have no desired to sneak into their stash. So far, so good. I wonder if that will change with hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, etc.

Snack Attack Experiment

2011-03-19T09:18:00.000-06:00

I've begun an experiment today, and I may be criticized for it.

Pre-Experiment Observations:
What happens when there is a large family and a rare bag of chips is opened up? Everyone grabs at it frantically trying to get their "fair share" (even if they aren't hungry). They are all competing for it.

What happens when a family rarely allows play food (junk food) and same family attends a pot-luck or party? Chips! Whoo-hoo! Cookies! More! Grab, grab, munch, munch, munch. Mom doesn't allow this stuff. I better get it now while I can.

Hypothesis:
If desired play food is off-limits or limited, it's wanted that much more. If, however, the playfood is always available, it will lose its appeal. If everyone has their own, competition eating will stop, and eating while not hungry will be greatly reduced. If allowed to eat on own in the open, closet-eating will be avoided.

Experiment:
-Give everyone their own stash box with favorite treats: this week its Doritos, Peanut M&Ms, chocolate-covered granola bars.
-No one is allowed to take from anyone else's.
-They can request different play foods for their stash.
-The stash does not have to be empty to request something different
-I will shop once per week to restock.

-Real foods will also be prepared and provided for snacks after school, etc.
-Real foods will be served for meals
-Continue educating family about real food vs. play food: what sustains fullness, what the body needs, what gives energy, what zaps energy, what will help moods, etc.

Concerns:
I worry there won't be any internal stop signals, and we'll eat until we puke. I'm concerned that the high salt or sugar content will be addicting, and they will lose all desire for real foods.

I'm not worried about my 10 year old daughter, though, she still has Halloween candy and is amazing at listening to her body's hunger signals (she hasn't been corrupted - LOL) and asks for fruit for snacks (she even asks for Brussels Sprouts for her birthday meal, she loves them). She's a great example to me, an example of a natural eater not affected by the diet perspective ~~or junior high~~.

I'm curious as to what my 11 y.o. son will do. He's very much like me. I'm curious about how I do, too, come to think of it.

As far as my 5 y.o. goes, ~~I don't have a clue what to do~~ I know he will stop snacking when he's full but I wonder if he will fill up on playfood and lose his appetite for real food. I hope to steer him away from that and educate him as we go along.

Source: Wellsphere.com

Fears:
When I see obese children, I judge, "What's wrong with the parents? Why do they let the kids eat whatever they want? That's child-abuse!" I hope I am not going down that road and do more harm than good. My desire is to instill in them a positive relationship between food and their body and not fear or shame, and that real food is the norm and there is room for play food.

I began the experiment on myself a couple of weeks ago by bringing in a bag of peanut M&Ms to use as my pacer food. The bag was eaten very quickly and in secret ~~I didn't want to share~~. The second bag is still there. I haven't binged on it. And now that my kids have their own stash, I will eat these in the open without shame.

I know, I know, there's going to be the diet mindset that will say those M&M calories are going to add up, and I should choose carrot sticks,* instead, or trick my body into thinking it's not hungry by drinking a glass of water. This is not about dieting. This is about getting OUT of the diet perspective. This is about getting a better relationship with food and learning it's not the enemy and that the body is not the enemy. This is about learning to not binge on forbidden foods anymore (and we know THOSE binge calories add up, too). This is about foods not being forbidden.

*I do serve carrot sticks, by the way, as well as collard greens, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, salads, spaghetti squash, and several other varieties of veggies as you are welcome to read about on my veggie-quest blog "What Am I Supposed To Do With That?"

The idea for this experiment is influenced by what I'm learning from Eating for Your Soul. It may fail or be a success. I'm open to either outcome. It's all a learning experience. It's time to bring in a new way of thinking.

What Is Your Passion or Hobby or Talent?

2011-03-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

Source

I went to an Eating For Your Soul meeting last night. One of the homework assignments is to find what I am passionate about. We as wives and mothers need to find something else besides kids, family, and the home to be excited about: a talent, a hobby, politics, etc. (This is for single, childless people, too, especially if you haven't found something that wow's you, yet).

Hmmm.

I'm sitting here thinking I don't have time to be passionate about anything. It's my job now to help my kids find their talents so they have a chance to develop them before life takes over and swallows them up.

If someone said that to me, I'd have said they are full of it, and it's never too late to pursue something of interest. I'm just saying that the above thought crossed my mind. Here's more ~~lame but kinda sorta valid~~ excuses:

I'm too tired to be passionate. Am I capable of being passionate? If I could find a passion, would I be too obsessed about it and resent anything that gets in my way? It costs money to develop talents. Am I allowed to be passionate about sleep?

Speaking of which, the alarms just went off. Time to clock in.

What is your talent/passion/hobby?

At Least My Closet Lost Weight

2011-02-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

As per the homework from EFYS's Step 3 that I mentioned in the last post, I cleaned out my closet, ridding it of clothes that don't fit -- ~~too big~~, too small, goal pants, and unflattering stuff I hate.

Hansi helped me. "Can't we keep this one?"

Some items still have tags on them.

Hansi kept positioning himself in front of the closet doors
or directly under in the doorway.

Some things I donated; the rest I'll store away.
I threw in my bathing suit before closing.

I had a few things left that fit -- but only one pair of jeans and one pair of nice black pants. Oh, well.

You know what's weird? I noticed I had a few nice blouses that I never wear. You know why? I don't wear them because I feel I would have to put on make-up and spend extra time on my hair to balance the look. If I don't feel like "dressing" my face and hair nicely, then I just throw on a t-shirt. Just a little Ah-Hah moment.

I had this tune in my head today: "I'm sorry Mama! I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet...closet." It's from Eminem. You can see the radio version here if you so desire.

2011-02-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you for the kind words and support. You gals are the best. I'm going to keep it real - the good, the bad, the positive, the sad. Jill, you posted about fear a couple of days ago. I keep thinking about that. Why do I bury my feelings? What am I afraid of? Anyways, those questions are ricocheting in my brain with a whole other mess of "huh's?".

We are on Step 3 this week for Eating for Your Soul (there is a new group starting over that I've signed up with, again -- this time I am paying more attention, I'm a little more ready). Ironically, part of this step deals with false fronts -- NO! Not silicon implants! Stop that! -- False fronts are ways we protect ourselves from being rejected by others. It just made me think of my last post and pretending I'm "fine." Interesting timing.

Also, Step 3 has some homework. There are several things, but the part I'm dealing with now is 1)get rid of the scale, and 2)get rid of clothes that don't fit (too big and too small).

I packed away the scale several weeks ago. (The last time I got rid of a scale was out of a second-floor window -- Crash!).

Tomorrow, I'll pack away the clothes. I'm not ready to give them away, yet, but I will put them in a box in the garage.

The motivation for these steps is to keep peace with my body and not have constant reminders of my size not being what I want it to be. (I can't wear that. I can't wear that. I can't wear that.). Only having clothes that fit shows respect for my body. It doesn't mean I've given up on having a healthier form. Honestly, it's an experiment for me. I'm hoping for patience and a better body image. We'll see.

Fine. And you?

2011-02-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I came across this post from Healthy Mom's Kitchen: Healthy Moms Need to Cry. I remember thinking, "Wow. I don't cry. I wonder why." I get a lump in my throat -- sometimes a couple of tears, especially if I'm responding to something about my kids, but I don't bawl nor get the beneficial release that comes with it.

I also began noticing that my posts aren't very deep; I don't share my feelings here, at least I haven't in a long, long time. I want to keep things up beat and positive. I don't really share my feelings anywhere:

+My husband is my closest friend, but I can't share things about him that I'm feeling, especially if the feelings are negative, and I just need to vent. I don't want to hurt him; I want to keep all bridges intact.

+I'm lucky to have loving parents, but I don't want to worry them.

+I've long since lost touch with my closest girl friend, L. We could vent/talk about anything ... anything. I miss that. That bridge is not intact, though.

+I'm fairly new here, still making friends. The thing is, they are my husband's friends, too. It's a very tight community: almost all of our neighbors go to the same church where we work together (unpaid clergy, etc.), pray together, socialize. I usually love it and am happy here, but I don't have anyone to share my truest, deepest feelings with. At the risk of sounding like a child, what if reveal myself, and they don't like me anymore? Besides, I can't share my insecurities or vent about my husband to others in the community. That's not cool.

+So, how about prayer? I haven't been the most prayerful person. I was really making the effort especially after going to Eating for Your Soul meetings. Recently, my faith has been shaken, and I'm remembering reasons why I used to be an atheist. Anyway, I'm not praying as much.

And I haven't been feeling much.

And I returned to binge eating. Numb. Unfocused. I didn't go to an Eating for Your Soul meeting last week; I didn't want anyone to see me.

But I went last night.

And I cried.

Holy f**k did I cry.

And I felt.

And I feel now.

And I'm crying now.

And it's good. I'm so tired of being numb. I'm tired of burying these feelings in food. I'm tired of pretending all is well. I'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of not being heard. It's up to me to speak. It might only be here to no one. It might not make any sense. It might not be entertaining. Nor uplifting. But it's out. It's acknowledged. I can go on.

I can go on and answer, "Fine. And you?" when asked by passerby's how I'm doing and maybe mean it this time.

Soup Recipe and Computer Allergy

2011-01-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

First, here's a Veggie Quest recipe from "What Am I Supposed to Do With THAT?" --
Wild Mushroom Bisque

Last April, I reported having a computer allergy where my neck and exposed upper chest would get itchy, and my right-hand fingers would swell up twice their size, turn red, and have painful tips. I drastically reduced blogging time. Here and here. Well, I've been having the reactions, again. I had been increasing my computer use especially by typing out the "Eating for Your Soul" intros and lessons and having more recipes to post. It's to the point where I can't stand touching the computer. Now, as I type, I'm wearing the lovely yellow rubber gloves used for housecleaning. Even with the gloves, it still feels a little weird.

I have a touch pad instead of a mouse. My index is the first to swell because it's the one rubbing over the pad the most. At night, I'm woken to a sensation that feels like a pin is being poked into my nail bed. Ice packs bring a lot of relief, although they don't reduce the swelling.

Has anyone heard of this before? My doctor was stumped about it last year when I showed him.

So, dear blogging friends, I may not comment as much, but please don't forget about me.

Veggie Quest - Collard Greens

2011-01-22T18:05:00.001-07:00

I've added a new veggie to our menu: collard greens. We actually like them, and it's simple to make (although it needs time in the pot).

Here's the link for my veggie blog:
What Am I Supposed To Do With That?: Collard Greens

Zumba Dork

2011-01-20T22:07:00.001-07:00

I did it! I Zumba'ed! It was very enjoyable. The only bad part was the mirror. I looked like such a dork. Oh, well. If I made the other students feel better about themselves, then I'm happy to have obliged.

Here we are:

What? Aren't you tired of seeing half-dressed Zumba-ites
with their awesome abs?
(btw - Am I the only one that had to do this dance in 3rd grade?)

The instructor finished up with pilates. My legs were jell-o when I left. They were so fatigued that pressing my brakes was challenging.

I look forward to going back.

The plantar fasciitis is "itising", again; the muscles are tight and painful -- no doubt from today's activities. I'll keep with the stretching and foot exercises. I hope it doesn't stop me from the fun classes. Otherwise, I'll have to go back to pole dancing.

Gaming and Netflix and Bears, Oh My!

2011-01-15T18:54:00.002-07:00

I've some good news, and I've some bad news, which really isn't that bad. I will be writing less detail about the Eating for Your Soul steps on my blog, but some exciting things are happening for Jarah's EFYS project, and an EFYS workbook will be available within a couple of weeks. There also could be a book deal in the future for her. I will write in future posts about the parts of the steps I'm working on and pondering.

(no graceful segue)

Have any of you dealt with computer-game overuse/addiction? I have an 11 year-old son (my oldest) who only wants to play computer games. We have rules and limits, but he busts those limits and can't self-monitor his time. He's brilliant at LEGO and Bionicle designs, but when video games are an option, he'll drop them. We have him in boy scouts and horseback riding to help him expand his interests. We spend time together as a family, especially Mondays. Anyway, we are taking away video games for a month for all of us. It's not as a punishment but as an un-plugging type of thing. I'm worried for him. We'll ease back in with active games like Wii. He'll have to earn it, though, by showing us he can be reliable for self-care, chores, responsibilities, and having other interests.

I've never been a mom of an 11 year old before. I feel like I'm doing the right thing -- there's always that doubt, though. I daydream about getting rid of video games forever. Bad mom? Unrealistic?

We've also suspended Netflix (aka Crackflix) on Danny's and my behalf. I used to hardly watch television, but Netflix makes it too easy. It's like getting a Krispy Kreme doughnut with a click of a button at a moment of weakness. We watch at the end of the day after getting the kids to bed. Ahhh. Peace. Quiet. *click* Then it's 1 a.m. Then I'm practically useless the next day.

Awareness. Change.

(no graceful ending)

Birthday Pics

2011-01-07T10:45:00.001-07:00

Count-down* is complete; I've just celebrated my 42nd birthday. It was wonderful, and I am so thankful for a loving family to share it with. The blessings in my life are rich -- not monetarily, but being surrounded by people who love me. (And I just realized I didn't have b-day pics taken with my parents! But, I am so happy they've been able to move near us). Everyone made sure I had a pleasant day.

We dropped the kids off at school, had a nice morning together, went to Deseret Book Store where I bought a book for myself and picked up the cake at the Lion House Pantry there. Danny took me to lunch (Mimi's Cafe -- mahi mahi with brown rice and veggies - yum). Picked up the kids. Everyone came over to celebrate, then dinner at my parents. Oh, yeah, and a "Dexter" marathon with Danny that night from Netflix (I don't watch tv, not even the news, but I do enjoy some Dex).

*When I began this blog, I was at the end of 39. I had made it a goal of mine to get fit mentally, spiritually, and physically within a year. I added a counter at the top of my blog. So, am I fit? Yes and no.

When I was at the end of 41, I was also just at the end. I was empty. Not only was my body out of shape, but I was also mentally drained, and my spirit barely flickered. Everything just seemed to be a struggle.

Someone may see I'm still overweight and judge, "Aw, she failed."

It's true I'm not the "image" of fitness, although it is better than a year ago, but, I'm not the same person I was a year ago, either. You can't measure mental-fat-percentage or spiritual-fat-percentage. If you could, you'd see those are leaner.

I used to binge when I didn't know how to deal with anxiety, etc. I was mentally and spiritually depleted and too numb from the binges. I don't have those binge episodes anymore. Now I'm working on portion sizes and developing habits to listen to my body's stop signals.

I used to never plan meals. That's still a hard one for me, but I do a lot more planning than I used to. That brought me to my new blog "What Am I Supposed To Do With That?" where I've been teaching myself new vegetable recipes that my whole family likes (picky 5 year olds don't always count).

I hardly ever prayed. But it has become so important to me to take quiet time and just be still and say what I'm thankful for, what is on my heart, and what I need help with. Then I listen. During the day I say several mini prayers of gratitude.

And I have so much gratitude. And I think I have enough mental fitness to know to never put another counter on my blog or life, again.

Danny and Me

With Thomas, 11

With Marie, 9

With Skye, 5

Eating for Your Soul - Step Two

2011-01-02T17:19:00.000-07:00

(The following is from Jarah Christensens' "Eating for Your Soul" copyrighted material -- I've paraphrased, summarized, and quoted from her workbook. Writing helps me study and retain info).

Step Two: Seek Truth

A. Your Body - Become aware of the "Diet Perspective"
1. DIET ACTIONS
2. DIET WORDS
3. DIET THOUGHTS
a. about food
b. about exercise
c. about progress
B. Your Spirit - Pray for discernment
1. GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT
2. WHAT KEEPS US FROM ASKING FOR THE GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT?
3. DESIRES COUNT TO THE ONE WHO COUNTS THE MOST
4. WHAT ARE YOUR HEART'S TRUE DESIRES?
C. Homework

A. Your Body - Become aware of the "Diet Perspective" - look closely at your thoughts and actions that keep you from hearing your body and spirit.
The diet perspective is the thoughts and actions that keep you at war with food and your body.

They come from:
-diets you have tried
-word-of-mouth (my input: urban legend, talk shows)
-those you love and love you

1. DIET ACTIONS: Here are examples of actions that could keep you from giving your body and spirit a voice about your health.

-Counting calories
-Eating "safe" foods like fat-free or low-calorie
-Eating by the clock (i.e. - only 3 meals per day, no snacks, stop eating past 8 p.m.)
-Putting off hunger with drinking
-Competing diets with someone for motivation
-Eating based on when you deserve it

2. DIET WORDS: Sayings you eat and live by. You may have learned them from your parents, friends, or spouse. you probably find yourself repeating them to your children.

-Clean your plate (eat everything on it)
-You waste food; you waste money.
-Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
-You can't eat dessert until you eat your veggies.
-You can't eat now; you will ruin your dinner.
-You served it; you eat it!
-You poor thing! Did you get a boo-boo? Eat this. It will help you feel better.
-You can have this candy if you are good.

We are not placing blame. We are here to stop the cycle.

(I have to pause. When I first read these diet words during a meeting, I stopped Jarah and said she is taking all of my ammunition away when it comes to feeding my kids. Breakfast IS the most important meal of the day. We should eat our veggies first and wait until dinner before eating. That's common sense! Isn't it? I sat there wondering what she could possibly say to shift my perspective. Well, she did over the program's course. When I catch myself saying these things, I change my words and teach my kids a different perspective and to listen to what their body is telling them. It's better with my 9 and 11 y.o. -- I still use diet words with my 5 y.o. -- I haven't figured out how to help him, yet. I'll ask Jarah the next time we speak about this.)

Other diet words Jarah mentioned are calling different foods "good" or "bad" -- she uses "real food" and "play food" instead.

3. DIET THOUGHTS - Your thoughts are the stem of your actions and words. Look at your thoughts about food and question them. Have they brought you closer to your body or made you distrust your body?

a. Diet thoughts about food
-Do I deserve it?
-I can only eat this if I work out tomorrow (or longer).
-I shouldn't be eating this.
-Did I eat good or bad today?
-Candy bars exist to torture me!

b. Diet thoughts about exercise:
-It's not worth it if I can't put at least 30 minutes in.
-I need to burn at least "x" amount of calories before I get off the treadmill.
-I really shouldn't be eating this because I didn't exercise today.
-I hate being sore!

c. Diet thoughts about progress
These are the hardest to change because most of us have experienced some type of success in health changes in a quick-fix sort of way. It's hard to look at progression in any way other than weight loss (...it's measured easily which makes it a convenient way to rate progress).

Seeing progress in a different way is the key to this program. Being more kind to yourself and recognizing when you are getting better at listening to your body is more important.

You know you are progressing when your diet thoughts about food have been replaced with thoughts like these:
--Am I truly hungry?
--Is this food worth my taste buds? (to clarify -- how many times do we eat things that don't taste good to us?)
--Will I feel deprived if I don't eat this?
--I deserve to eat without guilt.
--I did a good job in listening to my body today.
--It is amazing how my body communicates with me.

Re: Exercise - Replace destructive diet thoughts with more helpful thoughts like:
--I like the way I feel after exercise.
--I feel less stressed when I exercise.
--My body likes to get up and move.

Re: Progress - Change diet thoughts to:
--I love the relationship I'm gaining with my body.
--I see that all foods have a time and a place.
--I can trust my body to teach me how to eat perfectly.
--Food is not the enemy.

This is a thinking step -- be aware of the diet perspectives in your life. If you feel that you can identify your actions, words, and thoughts as harmful, you can stop them now. If you are not ready, it will come. You will address more actions regarding this subject in step six.

B. Your Spirit - Pray for discernment
Every person that has come to Earth has received the light of Christ -- a gift given to you so you will recognize truth when you hear it, but you need to be listening for it. President Marion G. Romney said this about the spirit and truth, "The truths that can free us from our sins, guilt, false concepts, erroneous understanding, and unproductive habits and behaviors can to be had through the Holy Spirit." You must be willing to believe that the Lord wants you to come to Him with all your problems, even eating issues.

You can find for yourself what is true for your body. What may be healthy for others may not be healthy for you. With study, prayer, and patience with trial and error, you can come to your own understanding of what is healthy for you.

1. GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT
Everyone is entitled to that sacred relationship with their savior and to receive "gifts of the spirit" or personal revelaiton for themselves to discern truth, right and wrong.

2. WHAT KEEPS US FROM ASKING FOR THE GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT?
Maybe you believe that you are not worthy to receive personal revelations hourly because you are not spiritual all the time: maybe you yell at your kids, didn't offer to help your neighbor, or sped to get to an appointment on time.

Jeffery R. Holland states, "...The Spirit has a near-impossible task to get through to a heart that is filled with hate or anger or vengeance or self-pity. Those are all non-conducive to the Spirit of the Lord. On the other hand, the Spirit finds instant access to a heart striving to be charitable and forgiving, long-suffering and kind -- principles of true discipleship."

Striving is the sweet word. Please don't be so hard on yourself that you won't let the Lord guide you. You are doing your best with what you have been given and with what you have learned. The Lord will show you how to be better.

3. DESIRES COUNT TO THE ONE WHO COUNTS THE MOST
The Lord judges according to the desires of our hearts. He will take in account all He has given you: your upbringing, your experiences, and your weaknesses. He will take our desires and our striving and make them enough.

4. WHAT ARE YOUR HEART'S TRUEST DESIRES
Do your daily actions reflect your heart's truest desires?
Idols aren't just things that you worship or things you lust at. They are also the things you spend the most of your time thinking about. If you are thinking more about what and how much you are going to eat than about the Lord's will, then food or losing weight has become your idol.

A story about desires and how they influence actions:

One night, a young idealist had a dream. He dreamed there was a new store in a nearby shopping mall. He went in and saw an angel behind the counter. Nervously, he asked what the shop sold.

"Everything your heart desires," replied the angel.

"Then I want peace on Earth," exclaimed the idealist. "I want an end to famine, sorrow, and disease."

"Just a moment," replied the angel. "You haven't understood. We don't sell fruit here, only seeds."

C. Homework
1. Become aware of the diet perspective. Ask where these thoughts or actions came from. Do you believe them? Why or why not? Have they helped you get a healthier body, or have they just caused more confusion between your body and food? Notice how bombarded you are with lies and half truths. Come ready to share what you hear in your head and all around you.

2. Pray for the Spirit's help to discern what is true for your body. The Lord knows your truest desires to be healthy, and He cares.

3. Ponder about what it is that you truly seek. What changes are you willing to make to get there? Do you think you'll be happier, or that life would be better if you were the size you wanted to be?

Previous EFYS Posts
My Intro
Program's Intro
Step One
Listen to Online Intro

I Didn't Like Yogurt

2011-01-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

I had a rare, leisurely day yesterday. No hurries. So, I decided to finally break open the pomegranate that's been sitting on my counter for the past couple of weeks.

Quite the mess. So worth it.

Working hard for my breakfast.
(Sorry...it looks like it should be in the
opening credits for "Dexter.")

More appealing and so good.

It used to be that I didn't like yogurt. I began eating it decades ago to counter-balance the side effects from the antibiotics I had been taking. I would select the fat free variety in an attempt to be "good." You know, fat-free this and fat-free that. I went for the handy little containers with the endless flavor selections.

Have you seen the amount of sugar/HFCS in those things? They have to add it to mask the flavor of fat-free.

I never could understand the attraction to yogurt nor why the French love it so much. Then, I had normal, almost undoctored yogurt. It was from a lonely, big tub (plain, with fat) amongst the limelight of the fat-free, showy, petite, artificially-flavored plastic packages who breeze through life always getting what they want... -- wait, I'm kinda getting off subject.

So, I tried plain with about 4% fat. Much better. I do add a little bit of organic sugar to it, but I control the amount -- much less than what the manufacturer puts in. I also like to add different fruit and sometimes granola. Other ways I've tried it is by adding my own vanilla and cinnamon.

Do I feel like I'm eating "bad" by choosing yogurt with fat? Not.at.all. Real food is to be enjoyed while providing nutrition. It's satisfying.

Well, it's breakfast time, again. I have left over pomegranate seeds. And plain yogurt. Yum.

Willpower vs. Willingness - A Thought From Mizfit

2010-12-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

Love this:

Click Here

(it's quick)

Eating for Your Soul - Listen to Online Intro

2010-12-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

Jarah Christensen now has a website. You can listen to her introduction from the Home page. Click on "Listen online now" on the left column.

http://www.eatingforyoursoul.com/

Previous EFYS Posts
My Intro
Program's Intro
Step One

Eating for Your Soul - Step One

2010-12-26T18:56:00.004-07:00

(The following is from Jarah Christensens' "Eating for Your Soul" copyrighted material -- I've paraphrased, summarized, and quoted from her workbook. Writing helps me study and retain info).

Step One: Become self-aware of your physical and spiritual health.

A. Your Body
1. TYPES OF EATERS
a. Controlled
b. Professional
c. Chaotic
d. Waste-Not
e. Offend-Not
f. Emotional
2. WILLPOWER AND REDEMPTION
3. ASKING FOR HELP
B. Your Spirit
C. Homework

A. Your Body: Become self aware of your relationship with food.
What keeps you from listening to your body? What beliefs and habits have you picked up that keep you from hearing your body's cues?
1. TYPES OF EATERS

a. Control Eaters -- Every bite is counted, measured, and sometimes recorded. Every meal is a battle. Your body is the enemy and not a teacher. Food is to be conquered, not enjoyed. Generally, you are not overweight. As a result, friends and family admire your work ethic and discipline. This adds fuel to the already raging battle. In rare moments of weakness, you think, "I can eat this brownie because I will burn it off in the gym."

b. Professional Dieter -- Name a diet and you have tried it. You own every book on every fad diet. You often weigh yourself several times a day. Food becomes an obsession. Detailed diets are essential for you because your diet represents control of your life. You crave the compliments, but it is never enough. Your current diet occupies your thoughts from dawn to dusk.

c. Chaotic Eater (Me, btw) -- Multi-tasking has become commonplace in our culture. Often, it is viewed as a necessity to keep up with the kids, husband, and life. You tend to get so busy that eating does not make the "to do" list. Then, your body screams, "I'm hungry!" The cycle then begins: starve, binge, starve, binge, etc. This chaos is not conducive to listening to your body. This leads to unhealthy "grab and go" food rather than food that will last longer and taste better. Food is viewed as a necessary time-sucking evil. (SO me).

d. Waste-Not Eaters -- You find it difficult to throw away food. You eat free samples, not because you are hungry, but because it is free. Your eating patterns are more driven by money than by needs and wants of your body.

e. Offend-Not Eaters -- For some, food is love. In social situations, it is easier to eat with everyone than to refuse. You worry that you may offend the host. You feel awkward to sit with nothing while everyone else eats. You eat even when you are not hungry because you fear man (I think this is in reference to our Doctrine and Covenants Chapter 3: Verse 7).

f. Emotional Eater (Me, also) -- Sitting on the couch crying into a tub of ice cream is extreme emotional eating. Usually, emotional eating takes the form of grabbing little bites as you pass through the kitchen because "you deserve it." (Hello!) You keep a drawer of goodies at a job you hate to reward yourself for "hanging in there." (Uh huh). You feed emotional hunger with food. You yearn for something better in your life: a better job, more helpful kids, a different marriage, etc. We numb these feelings with food. Food temporarily fills the void to get through the next few minutes.

-- These eating habits make it hard to listen to your body's needs.
-- Now that you've i.d.'ed what type of eater you are, Jarah says:
Don't go into the diet mode and start making yourself stop these habits right this very moment. This is what a diet program would have you do, and this is what your mind wants to do. It wants to be told how and when to make drastic changes. You are not being asked to do anything about this just yet. For now, just be self-aware.

2. WHAT ABOUT WILLPOWER AND REDEMPTION?

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

What keeps you coming back for more physical and emotional beatings that diets bring? It's the misconception or the idea that you just need more willpower. A common phrase you hear is "If you can just get better willpower, you can lick anything." Yet, it seems our willpower is constantly failing us. We will be addressing why this is in a later chapter. For now, you just need to observe how much this comes into your mind and in conversations around you.

Another reason you might keep going back to diets is because you think that you need to be punished with diets to be redeemed for your food choices of the past. This kind of thinking is what keeps you from coming to Heavenly Father (your higher power) for help. You believe you deserve the pain of dieting. "It can't be as easy as listening to your body! Where is the redemption in that?" -- Those are half-truths planted in your head by false beliefs being fed to you.

While it is true that your body is where it is because of past choices, the lie is that diets are the redemption. The lie is believing that you have made too many mistakes in the past about your health that painful diets or giving up are the only answers.

3. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ASK FOR THE LORD'S HELP WITH YOUR HEALTH?

A lot of women believe that it is vain to ask for a better, healthier body. However, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf explains Christ is the answer, "The world is not bashful in offering numerous new answers to every problem we face. It's not that these worldly options don't contain elements of truth -- many of them do. Nevertheless, they all fall short of the lasting change we seek in our lives. The gospel of Jesus Christ has the answers to all of our problems."

That is why we are here on this earth living with these bodies: to learn that He is the answer. If you are having a hard time asking for the Lord's help, then you are missing an important lesson and that is the body can teach and remind you of your need for the Savior.
(Prayer/meditation is something I am not in a habit of doing. Asking for help from anyone, earthly or heavenly,is also something I am not in the habit of practicing. I think I'm a bit disconnected.)

Becoming more aware of the reasons why you think willpower is the answer and why it is so hard to come to your Savior for help can assist you in taking steps closer to getting out of the insanity you find yourself in while trying to do it on your own.

Know this: You are not where you are right now because of bad food choices or of a lack of willpower. You are where you are because you chose to use food to cope with life's trials instead of using the Savior, but this can change.

B. Your Spirit: Become aware of your spiritual health
Asking questions is a great way to get honest about your feelings. You don't have to write them down, just ponder.

Do you know or believe with all of your heart that you are a child of God?

Do you ever question the real intents and desires of your heart when it comes to things like visiting teaching, home teaching or callings (church opportunities and responsibilities)? Is it out of duty or love?

Do you trust the Lord and His timetable when it comes to the changes you seek?

Do you feel you have the right or feel worthy enough to receive personal revelation for yourself everyday?

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Why should I repent of something that I know I'm just going to do again tomorrow? (Amen to that!)

Do fears of others' opinions hold you back from being yourself?

Does the past haunt you to the point where you don't feel you are worthy to have a personal relationship with the Savior?

Do you fear that the Lord will ask too much of you?

How do you feel about your prayers and scripture studies? Do you feel you should, need, or want to read and pray everyday?

"Your thoughts, feelings and beliefs are actually the roots of your behaviors." (AA 12 Step)

C. Homework

1. IDENTIFY WHAT KIND OF EATER YOU ARE. You will be doing nothing about this information now. Do not let this turn into a "shame on you" process. For now, you are just becoming self-aware. The action steps will come later.

2. LIKEN THE SCRIPTURES. Jesus asked others many questions. Apply these questions to your desire to change. Please no Sunday school answers; get really honest.

*"What seek ye?" (John 1:38)
*"Woman, why weepest thou?" (John 20:13)

Previous EFYS Posts
My Intro
Jarah's Intro

Eating for Your Soul - Program's Intro

2010-12-22T10:26:00.008-07:00

There's a major thing I left out from yesterday's intro post. This program deals a lot with your soul and is based on our LDS Christian belief system (this is not an LDS-supported program, but the facilitator is LDS). Our physical well-being isn't only physical but also mental and spiritual.

Jarah and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint (LDS). The meetings and program do reference to the Bible, The Book of Mormon and doctrine, although non-members are welcome to attend and do. Being a former atheist, I tried to visualize going through the program with a different belief system, and you can. The goal is to connect to your spiritual/essence side and to be true to that. As my father says, "Take what you can and leave the rest."

Introduction Class to "Eating for Your Soul"

Jarah talks about being at war with food and your body. I liked what she said about our bodies are frustrated, too, and that it has " a thing or two to tell" us. Some of them are:

*"It knows exactly how to keep you healthy, but it has to fight the rules that you are forcing on it.

*"It sends signs and signals all day long that seem to just get ignored.

*"It no longer trusts you ... It holds on to food and stores it for later starving periods. It won't let go of it until it has a reason to trust you again."

She goes on to tell us why we need to listen to our body:

*"The body has no hidden agenda.

*"The body knows how to take care of itself perfectly: Everyday, three or more times a day, your body sends you many signals. Like the Spirit, it is subtle and waiting for you to respond and just like the Spirit, the more you practice listening to your body's promptings, the easier it is to hear them.

*"Listening to your body can be a spiritual experience: ...learning to listen to their body has brought more than just peace about their body; it has brought peace into all aspects of their lives.

*"Your body knows best because it was made by the best." -- I'll paraphrase: many religions talk about the body being the temple of God and to not defile it. Jarah goes on to say we aren't just supposed to keep our "temple" clean, we are supposed to use them and learn from them. (Temples are a big thing in the LDS religion; we go there for additional spiritual learning and ordinance work.). Anyway, we learn by listening.

"The body is a gift given to us to learn from, not to be ignored and conquered."

You have been taught that you need to control your body with willpower and to stop giving in to food cravings. These ideas have brought separation between you and your body.

(I'm skipping over a lot - sorry - but here is what I've hi-lighted for myself).

*When you are in this separation state, it's hard to see what is really going on.

*Weight or the excess is not the real problem but only the symptom to the real problem.

*Throwing diets and exercise (unrealistic programs) at your body is not getting to the root of the real problem, and the weight will just keep coming back. That is what this program is about: getting to the roots.

(Jarah uses the analogy of a weed for weight loss. Diets and exercise are like pulling the leaves of the weed. The weight - weed -- will just keep coming back unless you get to the root).

*Another reason why diets don't work is the good vs. bad food concept that diets bring.

*Doctrine and Covenants 59:18-20 Food is to be used "...both to please the eye and to gladden the heart; ...for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul."

*Do we see food as a tool for torture? As something we crave but can't or shouldn't eat?

How do we get to the roots?

"In each step of the program, you will be addressing the body and spirit. We have these separated in the beginning steps because this is what has happened. The goal of the program is tho harmonize your physical and spiritual needs through the Atonement of Christ. With each step, the body and spirit will come together so you can learn to eat for your soul."

(I like this part -- it's from a leader of our church):

Boyd K. Packer said this regarding out body and spiritual health:

"There are spiritual disorders and spiritual diseases that can cause intense suffering. The body and the spirit of man are bound together. Often, very often, when there are disorders, it is very difficult to tell which is which. There are also rules of spiritual health, simple rules that cannot be ignored, for if they are we will reap sorrow by and by."

What is the Spirit's job in all of this?

The Spirit will help you find the root of the problem, separate the truths and lies about food and know how to properly take care of the body. It will give hope where hope has been lost.

Jarah adds this heartfelt plea:

"This is a cry out to the hopeless: You may be here because someone dragged you here or you told someone you would come, but deep down in your heart you have given up hope for a healthy body. When you do try to get healthy with diets or exercise, it's because you don't want others to think you have given up. You don't try to lose weight for yourself, you do it for someone else (your kids, your grandchildren, or your husband), but this won't do. You need to do it for you. ... [if] you have willingness and desire, [that's] good enough for now. We can work with that."

How does the program work?

"It is a 10 week process. The first 3 steps are about learning to get rid of the thoughts and actions that keep you at war with your body and food. The next 4 steps are about exploration. You need to figure out your body's needs and wants. The last 3 steps are about maintenance.

Each step has a body and a spirit section with homework. At each meeting you will receive the next step. The meetings are a very important part of the program. You will find strength and support in the group."

(Jarah also emails daily thoughts/reminders to support the lesson we are working on that week).

From me: Here's the kicker that may make you exclaim, "What?! Why am I even here?"

Jarah clearly states that this is NOT a weight loss program, although some do experience weight loss. Members and facilitators have many backgrounds of eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, binge eating.

"We are offering the ability to learn how to find peace in your body in a world that wants you to be at war with your body. We are offering the chance to love food again without guilt. We are offering the ability to learn that your body can be a great teacher for you... However, keep in mind that the key to all problems comes down to one answer, and that is the Lord."

She ends with:

"Yet no matter what the source of difficulty and no matter how you begin to obtain relief -- through a qualified professional therapist, doctor, priesthood leader, friend, concerned parent, or loved one -- no matter how you begin, those solutions will never provide a complete answer. The final healing comes through faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit." -- Richard G. Scott of the Twelve

Next post on EFYS - Step 1

Eating for Your Soul - My Intro

2010-12-21T12:39:00.005-07:00

Last September, I began attending classes/meetings titled "Eating for Your Soul." I wasn't quite ready for it, but I jumped aboard and am glad I did. This is a program founded by Jarah Christensen; it is her passion as she puts it. It's fairly new, in fact I was part of the guinea-pig group where the workbook was still under construction and paperwork for the "Not for Profit" title was being applied for.

One of the things that struck me was the "not for profit" part. Jarah isn't selling anything -- no prepackaged foods, no vitamins, no membership fees, no clothing lines, no workout videos, etc. This is truly her passion that began with personal family reasons of her own, and it has developed into much more. I'm just happy to be along for the ride.

We abuse our bodies with diets and unrealistic exercise programs. During a meeting, Jarah said one of her ultimate goals is for us to no longer desire to abuse our body.

This is a Ten-Step program with full intent to repeat the steps. In other words (my words), I'm not going to "get it" and be ready to fully apply the steps in ten weeks. These are life-changing, habit-breaking steps. I can go through another set of steps with the support of meetings and facilitators -- for free, although donations are requested to help offset costs to run the program.

I liken "Eating for Your Soul" to the AA and OA 12-Step programs where you meet, share without cross-talk, learn about the next step, and it is donation-based. There are differences, though, and I can point those out as I go along. I've been through O.A. when I lived in Illinois, but I haven't been to meetings since I moved here in Utah.

I want to use blogging as a way to study the material as I share what I am learning. I'll write some of the things that apply to me at the moment or really touches my heart, etc. Her work is copyrighted material, so I hope to not infringe on that at the same time. Not too many people visit my blog, anyway. :) And everyone who does are honest, awesome people, right? Right. I'm sure what I write won't do her program justice. I wish I could take you all to the meetings so you can experience and learn about it yourselves.

Next post: Jarah's intro to "Eating for Your Soul."

Blogger With Substance Award

2010-11-03T08:50:00.004-06:00

Thank you, Michele from Ruminations and Uncovering: Toward a New Me! That was kind of you to think of me. I hope I provide some sort of substance for others -- even if it's what NOT to do towards fitness. It's such a habit-breaking, habit-forming, learning process.

Part of receiving this award is to explain my blogging philosophy, motivation and experience in five words: (Yikes!)

Two steps forward, one back.

(rinse and repeat)

As far as passing this on to other bloggers -- there are several on the sidebar I follow. Many are talented writers full of wit and honesty, especially Thufferin Tuccutash, Tippy Toe Diet, Sheesh, The Sassy Pear, and Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit. I can't really leave the others out; there is substance in theirs, too, from which I also receive inspiration.

Blog-O-Versary -- Oct. 23

2010-10-31T12:15:00.002-06:00

Where have I been?

My parents bought a 55 y.o. fixer-upper around the corner from us here in Utah. I told them I would repair and paint the living room and bedrooms before they moved their stuff in (I love doing that kind of work). I figured I had 6 months to a year before they sold their home in Arizona. They sold it within 3 weeks!!!! Who would have thought that possible in this market? I barely finished before they moved their belongings in last Thursday. My blogoversary occurred during the break, but in honor of it, here's a review of the year:

THIS TIME LAST YEAR

I was fairly new to our neighborhood/town/state, discouraged and lonely. I was new to blogging. Before that, I had hardly surfed the web or anything. Fitness blogging seemed to be a great community for learning and support. I nervously began my own blog to hear myself think, so to speak. What did I think? I was so out of practice -- out of touch with me. I was out of touch with feeling anything and using binge eating as a coping mechanism. But, I gave blogging a shot.

BLOGGING HABITS - Morphed

My blog began as a place for me to be accountable and to explore my feelings about my fitness journey. As people began to comment, I began spending hours surfing blogs. Blogging was becoming another form of addiction for me rather than a tool. I liked networking and gaining more followers, but I think I lost my original focus. Now, I want to blog to give words of encouragement and hope to meet with those who feel connected to me, too, and offer me support when I'm down.

FIRST FITNESS BLOG I EVER READ

Crabby McSlacker's Cranky Fitness

FIRST PERSON TO COMMENT ON MY BLOG

KatieO of Boppa Ding Ding

FIRST PERSON TO FOLLOW MY BLOG

Larkspur of Am I Really That Fat?

WHAT AM I LEARNING?

Fitness is such a work in progress, old habits are hard to break, and it isn't going to happen over night. I'm learning it's not about the weight entirely or working out to get someone else's body. It's about feeling better and stronger in my body. I go for that walk (short or long) not because I want to get a certain image anymore; it's because I feel better when I do. I'm happier, nicer, and feel better in my skin.

GOALS I'VE ADOPTED

Back to Basics - with the exception of the not-eating-b4-bed part, I'm rethinking that one and desiring to apply intuitive eating instead of some rule.

Wake-up walks with my family

Thankful journal

Recording what I eat -- I haven't blogged about this, yet. I don't measure or count calories, but I do write what I ate for the day. This helps my awareness. This also helps if I have some sort of physical reaction to what I've ingested.

Eating more nutrient-filled foods, more veggies -- Veggie Quest Blog

Controlling binge habit (progress)

HABITS THAT NEED WORK

Resistance training

Routine workouts

Hydrate

Prayer -- why am I always trying to do this (face struggles) on my own?

IT SOUNDED GOOD AT THE TIME

Jumping Rope -- I did not wear proper shoes. Between jumping rope and jogging, I developed plantar fasciitis. I gave the rope up.

Scales -- I've stopped weighing myself. I'll discuss that more later while I do my "homework" for a class I am taking, "Food for the Soul."

INJURIES AND ILLNESSES

Swine Flu

Plantar Fasciitis

Fell on knee -- It didn't keep me from exercising, but it was bruised for several months and at least 6 months before being able to "get" on that knee.

Cellulitis

Cholitis

PF revisited.

Twisted ankle.

CONTROVERSIAL POSTS

When A Spouse Calls You Fat -- Reposted here: Am I Really That Fat?

"Torrid Affair" reposted here: Am I Really That Fat?

THINGS I BEGAN BUT PUT ON HOLD

Roth - Women, Food, and God (labeled "Roth WFG) -- I read through the book once and then wanted to read it again and blog about my ponderings and ah-hah moments over it. I still want to do that, but other things became a priority.

Yoga video - A good habit that is hard to start. My lame excuses: time, tired, and too many toys on the floor.

Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred -- (see Yoga) This was going to alternate with the yoga videos. I like it for the exercises and how I feel afterwards (not during).

LIFE EVENTS

Sunday School Teacher - mixed emotions

New addition to family - German Shepherd puppy

Saying good-bye to Daisy

hubby transferred

youngest begins K

parents moving here

CHALLENGES

Primal Stride -- It went very well and then the initiator of the challenge stopped it.

C25K -- Did it!!

Race to 10 -- I was doing well then hit a depression (about the plantar fasciitis) and a binge-fest for a couple of months. The race is done.

6K -- I did it, sort of. My goal was to run the 6K. Plantar fasciitis came back and then I twisted my ankle at the bottom of our stairs. I slowly walked the 6K while pushing my son in the stroller.

AWARDS

Happy 101

Versatile Blogger and here for lie results

"A Blog With Substance" (Oct.) from Michele of Ruminations and Uncovering: Toward a New Me!! -- Thank you, Michele! I will honor that award with it's own post soon.

Stand By (or Jog in Place)

2010-10-19T11:47:00.000-06:00

I'm healthy, in a good mood, and hanging in there -- just so, SO busy!!! I have lots of posts in my head and wish I could get them out and visit my friends in Blogland. I'm thinking about you.

Exercise Block - Humor

2010-10-14T17:58:00.001-06:00

6K

2010-10-10T14:49:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was the Wasatch Woman's 5th Annual Love Your Body 6K/10K event -- and my first event. Skye joined me in his stroller as I pushed him through the beautiful trails of Thanksgiving Point, UT. (The event is a 6K instead of a 5K so it can go through some gardens).

I was originally going to run the 6K but due to the flair up of plantar fasciitis and twisting my ankle a couple of weeks ago, I decided to just walk it. (The ankle is okay -- I can point and flex, but it still yells at me if I try to rotate it side to side or around).

I wasn't worried about my time. We enjoyed the scenery instead. Thirty minutes into it, my heel was beginning to hurt, and I took an ibuprofen. I often stopped to stretch my calf muscles to relieve the fascia. Once home, I soaked my foot and ankle in a warm epson salt solution. It's pretty good today.

Here are some photos:

Skye and me before the event.

Getting bundled up.

Along the trail, looking at the steps of fountains.

Half way up the steps of fountains.

Cool tunnel (not part of the trail, but I checked it out anyway).

The rose was more vivid in person.

Noah's Ark at children's garden.

Water falls.

I took this before we started.

Moon bounce for the kids! (Skye - center).

Skye on right side.

He's just too cute!!

My little guy -- I love him so much!

2 Weeks Binge-Free, "Eating for Your Soul" Class and Quick Story

2010-09-29T09:49:00.001-06:00

The larger beads represent two weeks without a binge.

I've been zig-zagging between several interests and priorities. Recently, I've been enjoying trying out new veggie recipes and posting about that on my other blog, "What Am I Supposed To Do With That?" I think my kids like being the panel of judges as they taste-test new things.

Last night I was invited by a friend and neighbor to a new class, "Eating for Your Soul," presented by Jarah Christensen. I really enjoyed it. Here's a little story with a deep message that Jarah shared with us last night:

One night a young idealist had a dream. He dreamed there was a new store in a nearby shopping mall. He went in and saw an angel behind a counter. Nervously, he asked what the shop sold.

"Everything your heart desires," replied the angel.

"Then I want peace on earth," exclaimed the idealist. "I want an end to famine, sorrow, and disease (and addictions*)."

"Just a moment," replied the angel. "You haven't understood. We don't sell the fruit here - only seeds."

*I added

Binge-Free Beads, Family Wake-Up Walk, and Recipe

2010-09-21T21:44:00.000-06:00

Seven days without binge-eating.

I've been waking my family up a half-hour earlier each day to do a wake-up walk. We quickly throw on clothes, do a walk around the block (small one), come home, do 10 jumping jacks, 10 crunches, 10 push ups, and stretching. It's been a nice way to get the day started. We are more on-time. The kids get some of their daily chores done earlier (usually done in afternoon after school). I feel more patient and energetic. It's not a huge workout, but it's something beneficial to all of us (ages 5 - 41). I'm just hoping to instill good habits.

Here's a new recipe on "What Am I Supposed To Do With That?"

What Am I Supposed To Do With That?

2010-09-17T07:02:00.002-06:00

I'd like to introduce my new blog: What Am I Supposed To Do With That? at 42veggiequest.blogspot.com

I am searching, trying, and posting about veggie recipes that my family and I like.

I'm learning how to feed my family healthier meals. We seriously lacked in the vegetable department.

A few weeks ago, my friend gave me some veggies from her garden. I held the cabbage and thought, "What am I supposed to do with that?" I also thought, enough is enough, I want to learn how to prepare fresh vegetables.

I'll continue this blog, but the new one will focus on my quest for veggies.

Oh, the "42" is just a spin-off from this blog. "Veggie quest dot blogspot dot com" was taken.

Hope to see you there!

No-Binge Beads and Our 15-Year Anniversary

2010-09-14T22:29:00.002-06:00

September 15, 1995, Danny (21) and I (26) married in Danforth Chapel on the Arizona State University campus. It was very simple and very casual. And a little crazy.

Here we are then (a few weeks after the wedding) in '95 (1995, although it looks like 1895):

And now, '10:

(sigh)

There's been a lot of changes. Sure, I miss the smoother skin and younger body, but I really miss the free spirit I had.

Binge-Free Beads

Confessions of a (Recovering) Compulsive Eater used beads on a bracelet to mark how many days/weeks/months/years she has been binge-free. You can read more about the beads here. I liked the idea of having a constant reminder around my wrist while I prepare meals and make different food-decisions. Here are my beads and empty string:

I need to define for myself what a binge-free day is -- binge-free and compulsive-free. This definition may have to build on itself. For starters, it's having a plan and sticking to it. The plan at first may be simple (i.e. I'm not ready to count calories and measure every morsel of food. I just want to make sure I don't buy that package of cookies and snarf them or take extra servings when I'm not hungry). If I feel I sincerely kept to my plan, I'll get a bead. If I binge, all beads are removed and I start over.

It's obvious I don't have it all figured out, yet. If I wait until I do, then it won't get done. It's just one of those things to jump into and make adjustments as I go. (I think that's the approach I had when I married 15 years ago).

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2010-09-12T00:58:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

Today is my mom's birthday. We are in the process of having her and my dad move out here near us. (So e'sited! -- as my then 4 year old said). So, calling all snowbird want-to-be's: my parents are selling their gorgeous home in Sun City, Arizona -- a retirement/golf community. The sooner they sell, the sooner they can be with us. Yes, this is a shameless plug to sell their home. Any takers? (Next year, Mom, we'll be celebrating your birthday together! I love you!)

Award II - The Lie About Me Revealed

2010-09-08T09:20:00.000-06:00

My last post listed 8 things about me, one being a lie:

1. I used to drive a pink 1965 convertible Mustang.

2. I married my childhood sweetheart.

3. I was an atheist and ended up joining a church that had been on the top of my dislike list.

4. Someone smashed into my car's left door and front fender. I spray-painted "Sh*t Happens" (without the *) across the left side and drove it around like that until I got it fixed.

5. I married someone I only knew for three weeks.

6. I can do 18 push ups in one set.

7. I took myself to Kauai, Hawaii and spent most of the week alone: me, the beach, and a VW van.

8. I'm a horrible liar.

I did drive a '65 convertible Mustang. My father bought it when I was a baby. I grew up in that car. It was passed on to me when I graduated. It was a bronze color at the time. Someone turned into me and wiped out my left side, but it was still drivable. Do you remember those bumper stickers that said, "Sh*t Happens?" I spray painted that across the left side of the car. My boss didn't think it was funny and made me park in the back until I had it fixed a couple of weeks later. THAT'S when it was painted pink with black vinyl. I had to sell it after 9-11-01 to pay the bills. (1,4)

I did marry my childhood sweetheart. Met him at 16, married him at 18, divorced him by 20. (2)

And...

I married someone I only knew for 3 weeks at age 26. Danny and I will celebrate 15 years together next week, Sept. 15. (5)

I was an atheist and the Mormons (LDS) were at the top of my dislike list. Danny invited the Missionaries into our home almost 12 years ago. My perceptions of them were wrong. We converted 11 years ago, giving up alcohol, tobacco and coffee (almost -- that's a hard one). If you want to read about my conversion story, it's on my other blog here. (3)

Two weeks after I had my car repaired and painted pink, someone else clipped my front fender. It was minor. I put off repairing it and took myself to Hawaii, instead with the money. I had a friend that lived in Kauai. She lent me her VW van and let me sleep on the couch. I had just gone through the divorce and had been doing a lot of rebounding. I just needed to be alone to think. I loved it so much that I gave away most of my stuff and planned on moving there. Then I met a Tom Petty look-alike and stayed on the main land with him a couple of years. (7)

I AM a horrible liar. I can't even put on a poker face to hide a joke or prank. I dread it when my kids ask if there is a tooth fairy, etc. I just say, "I've never seen one." (8)

That leaves #6 - I CAN'T do 18 push-ups. I can maybe do 10 from the knees. (Sorry, Jody).

The Versatile Blogger Award

2010-09-05T18:05:00.002-06:00

Thank you Joy of Nuggets of Truth ~ My Weight Loss Journey and Skye of Skye's the Limit - The Possibilities are Endless for presenting me with the Versatile Blogger award. I was very happy to receive them and thank you for thinking of me. I'm sorry it has taken me a month to begin blogging and show it off.

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.

Being the versatile blogger, I am going to make the rules versatile, too. Rule #2 - I've shared 8 things, but one of them is a lie. Can you guess which one?

1. I used to drive a pink 1965 convertible Mustang.

2. I married my childhood sweetheart.

3. I was an atheist and ended up joining a church that had been on the top of my dislike list.

4. Someone smashed into my car's left door and front fender. I spray-painted "Sh*t Happens" (without the *) across the left side and drove it around like that until I got it fixed.

5. I married someone I only knew for three weeks.

6. I can do 18 push ups in one set.

7. I took myself to Kauai, Hawaii and spent most of the week alone: me, the beach, and a VW van.

8. I'm a horrible liar.

I need to change Rule #3, also. I haven't ventured out into blogland in a while to find 15 newly discovered blogs, but there are some great ones on the right side.

Thanks for stopping by!

He's Only Just Begun

2010-09-02T22:47:00.003-06:00

My youngest began kindergarten yesterday. I have a mix of emotions. Among them is the realization that this is the first time in almost 11 years that I will have kid-free mornings. It's been a crazy 11 years.

And it's been a busy month. (Good grief, only one post for August). We made tremendous progress on my parents' "new" old home, I finally have my computer back, the yellow jacket sting has cleared up as well as the cellulitis (but not the cellulite) and the colitis -- recap here.

I was happy to finally venture away from the safety zone of my bathroom. I even signed up (and paid) for WasatchWoman's 5th Annual Love Your Body 6K Run/Walk -- my first running event!!! It will be October 9th. Within the first week of training, plantar fasciitis made itself clearly known, again. I first developed PF last January. It improved, but I must have become complacent because it's back. It doesn't look good for the 6K. I can't even do exercise walking until I've had a full week of no pain. Shoes must be worn all the time including night trips to the restroom. I have really good shoes complete with orthotics. They are lovely with my Sunday church dress.

: p

I have to admit, this PF thing had really gotten me down. Walking boosts my mood and energizes me. Without it, I had slipped into a depression. I felt defeated. (Or, is it de-feeted?)

Being the strong, resilient woman I am, I ~~shifted my focus to foot friendly exercises like resistance training, pilates and yoga~~ binged. (So much for being aware of what is good for my colon -- last post). I sort of wished I could turn on the colitis again to keep me from binge-eating.

Now what? I'm going to clean my house. During my pity-party, I pretty much ignored my chores and myself. I didn't want to deal with anything. I didn't want to cook anything. Fitness had left the building -- physical, mental, and most of all, spiritual.

Tomorrow, I'm going to work on becoming clutter-free, clean the kitchen and bathrooms and get rid of dead clothes. I'll have to baby the PF, but it has to get done.l I'd also like to clear the family room floor so I have room for my resistance training, pilates and yoga. With the little one now in kindergarten, I have those couple of hours in the morning.

Do you remember when you were in kindergarten? For most of us, falling down was fun, jumping and running in bare feet were good for us, we ate when we were hungry and stopped when full -- even if only half the ice-cream cone or cookie was eaten. New tasks were adventures not burdens. We knew how to play. Happy was easy.

It's back to basics for me. Tomorrow, I will begin drinking water about every 1 1/2 hours, again. I've totally neglected hydration. Water should help my mood a bit.

(I also want to thank Joy and Skye for the Versatile Blogger Award; I haven't forgotten about that and am very grateful you thought of me. That will be my next post).

The Silver Lining Without My Lining

2010-08-01T16:09:00.002-06:00

Sometimes it's easy to get bitter when I have plans that get ruined. I remind myself that life is just kind of like that. Our stay on Earth was never meant to be a vacation, although it can be filled with joy if we let it. We are meant to be challenged and grow from those challenges. We are also meant to seek Heavenly Father (or whatever your personal higher place) and draw near to Him in our times of need, which, really, turns out to be everyday.

Sorry for the tmi, but I continue with intestinal problems (cholitis). Basically, while on antibiotics, there was a resistant bacterial strain that stayed in my system while the good bacteria were killed off along with the bacteria causing my cellulitis (not cellulite -- wouldn't it be great if there was an antibiotic for THAT) from the yellow jacket sting. This nasty, resistant bacterial strain wreaked havoc on my intestines, causing the lining to shed and bleed, and producing very painful and frequent bathroom trips (I am SO thankful for indoor plumbing).

So, here is the silver lining through all of this: my eating habits are changing. Going to the bathroom has been very uncomfortable, and what goes in must come out. Pain is a great motivator, and I am making sure that what I eat is nutritionally dense and worth the discomfort. I'm chewing longer and eating slower. (The more I chew, the better the absorption of nutrients -- and the easier it is on my war-torn insides). I eat healthier. I get full faster. My desire for fast food and chocolate is gone. I listen to what my body wants.

I pray I continue to listen when I'm all better and may these habits become permanent. This experience has really made me think about all my body has done in spite of the gastrointestinal abuses I've put it through.

I could get bitter about my plans I've had to put on hold, the energy lost, and work I've fallen behind on, but I think I've actually been given a gem-of-a chance to appreciate the health I do have and form practices to improve it.

(Aren't you glad I didn't post pictures?)

(Okay, here's one):

It's Not What It Looks Like

2010-07-23T19:37:00.000-06:00

Is it big, round, jiggly and white? And you think it's my derriere? Okay. It is what it looks like. But, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about my blogging absence.

I haven't thrown in the towel, given up, called my fitness journey kaput, nor drowned my sorrows in mind-numbing sugar-comas.

I'm fine.

Sort of.

I mentioned last time that I've been extremely physically busy working on the old house my parents bought as well as the landscaping work in my yard. People were beginning to comment on my toning and slimming.

Then I got stung by a yellow jacket.

Not this one:

This one:

I never saw it coming. I just walked into my neighbor's backyard and was stung on the leg. Four days later I developed cellulitis, and it spread rapidly. I was given two antibiotic shots, a Rx for more antibiotics, had my leg wrapped and was told to stay off of it and keep the leg elevated.

"Yay! Blog time!!"

Nope. No computer. (Dell is replacing our lemon, and it will arrive in a couple of weeks).

Leg was on the mend. I got active, again. I now have antibiotic-induced colitis. And I got the 24+ hour flu (unless that is part of the colitis) -- fever, nausea, chills, sweats, chills, sweats, yuks. Major headache. Oh, and the lethargy -- I didn't want to move, much less blog, even if I had a computer.

I'm better but still low on energy. So, here's my little moment to post (our other broken computer -- Danny's travel/work-computer -- was fixed this afternoon).

Thank you to the blog-angels that have checked up on me. That means SO much. I hope to have more computer time soon to see how all of you are doing. You're in my thoughts.

You know what? I haven't binged. My choices haven't always been wise, but I haven't binged. I wonder if it has anything to do with my contentment and enjoyment of my projects and physical exertion.

Well, I have no clever way to close this.

The end.