At Least My Closet Lost Weight

As per the homework from EFYS's Step 3 that I mentioned in the last post, I cleaned out my closet, ridding it of clothes that don't fit -- too big, too small, goal pants, and unflattering stuff I hate.

Hansi helped me.  "Can't we keep this one?"

Some items still have tags on them.

Hansi kept positioning himself in front of the closet doors
or directly under in the doorway.

Some things I donated; the rest I'll store away.
I threw in my bathing suit before closing.

I had a few things left that fit -- but only one pair of jeans and one pair of nice black pants.  Oh, well.


You know what's weird?  I noticed I had a few nice blouses that I never wear.  You know why?  I don't wear them because I feel I would have to put on make-up and spend extra time on my hair to balance the look.  If I don't feel like "dressing" my face and hair nicely, then I just throw on a t-shirt.  Just a little Ah-Hah moment.


I had this tune in my head today:  "I'm sorry Mama!  I never meant to hurt you.  I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet...closet."  It's from Eminem.  You can see the radio version here if you so desire.

How Many Bags of Dog Food Are You Carrying?

Here is a photo of a person carrying two large bags of dog food (this happens to be Dean Cain who played as "Superman"). I'm more interested in the bags (although Dean is nothing to bark at). Each bag is at least 40 pounds.


Now, I need your imagination here.


Imagine securely strapping these bags to his body. Then, we'll proceed to ask him to do a few things like climbing stairs, walking or jogging a couple of miles, doing push-ups, and jumping jacks... all-the-while having the extra 80+ pounds on him constantly. Moving that extra weight against gravity would be difficult even for Superman Cain. Now strap the bags to a person with less strength and endurance and tell that person he/she has to live daily carrying around the extra weight. Sounds miserable, but that is what I've done to myself. I have 70+ extra pounds of fat "strapped" to me that makes daily moving so unnecessarily difficult. Woof.


What made me think of this? I've been doing the "Jillian Michael's 90 30 day Shred." During the Level 1 warm-up, she says there is no modified version for the jumping jacks because she's seen 400 pound people doing them, and anyone (basically) can do them.


I struggle with jumping jacks. And no wonder! I've got "70 pounds of dog food" strapped to me! (I have no idea how someone with 200+ pounds of dog food strapped to them could do it).


It's really hard for me to do these exercises, but here's the plus-plus if I endure and continue: My muscles will become stronger trying to move my extra weight while at the same time (knock on wood) losing the extra weight. The exercises and daily movement in general will become easier and easier. Then, maybe, I might actually enjoy jumping jacks as much as Jumping Jillian seems to.


For now, I just enjoy knowing that I did it, "bags" and all.

For Mature Audiences Only

Ah, you clicked on my post. See, I may not have clicked because I question my maturity. I'm aging, but I'm not sure how mature I am.

Do you have an "inner brat?" I remember in the 1980's, "inner child" was a popular topic. Then a couple of years ago, I heard Merilu Henner speak of the "inner brat." My inner brat wants all the cookies. My inner brat doesn't want to brush her hair or go to the doctor's or stop blogging long enough to take care of other responsibilities. My inner brat says, "I don't wanna," when I tell her to get up early and do her c25k.

I was reading an article the other day about growing up, not just growing older. It's written for young, single adults, but it could apply to anyone who wants to grow in this area. I'm writing the list the article has. The blue areas are the points that I really need to work on.

Markers of Adulthood

1. Acquiring an Adult Sense of Mission

2. Establishing Personal Goals and Routines - learning to prioritize, find balance, and work hard toward a goal...discipline

"Goals and routines help people prevent depression and temptation and navigate between the opposing quicksands of boredom and excessive stress."

3. Managing Physical Self-Care - cooking for a crowd, deciding if a medical problem is serious, or dress for an interview...we grow in confidence and skill as we step up to the task of learning these things for ourselves.

"Arranging for our own dental and medical care, haircuts, nutritious meals, exercise, and consistent and adequate sleep can be positive ways to truly claim the gift of the body."

4. Increasing Financial Independence - budget and save

5. Creating a home - reflecting your tastes, lifestyle and personality...even if it is a small space

6. Shifting Our Sense of Family - initiating and responding to opportunities to make friends rather than just waiting for others to come to you.

7. Learning Skills of Emotional Connection - initiating friendliness, responding to others' invitations, and enjoying people of different ages...learning to make conversation

8. Building a Community - volunteering, taking someone to dinner, buying Christmas gifts for others, throwing a party for someone, inviting others over, church involvement, voting

9. Supporting the Next Generation

"A sign of maturity among adults is shifing from being taken care of to being the ones who take care of others."

10. Growing in Spiritual Responsibility ** - obedience to God, willingness to sacrifice for His Kingdom, and the importance of organizing our lives to prioritize prayer, scripture study, and being active in church.

11. Building the Kingdom **

"We can grow up in the Lord as we organize our lives according to His laws and and constantly seek His Spirit to guide and comfort us."

**To those who don't believe in God, when I was an atheist and was asked who my higher-power was, I'd say it was Nature. The terms "Nature" and "Love" can usually be substituted easily to still get meaning out of religious passages and give a sense of our obligation to Earth and fellow beings.

For instance, #10 changes to obedience to Nature, willingness to sacrifice for Nature, organizing lives for meditation and reflecting on Love.

And #11 changes to growing up in Love as we organize our lives according to Nature and constantly seek Love (the good, healthy kind) to guide and comfort us.

Image credit: media.photobucket.com

Click here if you want the full article: "That They May Grow Up In Thee"

So, how do you deal with your inner brat?

For A Limited Time Only: Real Sugar!!!

These are pictures my husband took at our local grocery store. There is a mountain display of soda, snacks and other junk for Super Bowl weekend coming up.

I've been amazed about how many items have high fructose corn syrup in them (as well as partially hydrogenated oil/aka hydrolyzed/aka trans). Under my "Expensive Chocolate" post I wrote about American soda having HFCS, while European soda stayed with sugar.

Now, there's this "throwback" marketing campaign advertising real sugar in soda. What a concept! Not that sugar is great for you by any means, but at least it's something the body can sort of deal with. Don't get too excited. If you'll notice the package, it's only for a limited time. (Hurry! Get sugar while you can...before it runs out!) Then it's "hello, hfcs" again, unless of course, you make the wise decision to substitute water for soda as a regular practice.

I pulled the following from an article I've been reading about dangers of sugar:

Fructose undermines these normal satiety signals, increasing caloric consumption both directly and indirectly:

1. Fructose does not stimulate a leptin rise, so your satiety signals are diminished.

2. Glucose suppresses ghrelin (the hunger hormone—it makes you want more food), but fructose does not.

3. By raising triglycerides, fructose reduces the amount of leptin crossing your blood-brain barrier.

4. Fructose increases insulin levels, interfering with the communication between leptin and your hypothalamus, so your pleasure signals aren’t extinguished. Your brain senses starvation and prompts you to eat more.

5. Fructose decreases the production of malonyl-CoA, which may help promote a sense of energy adequacy.

Along with causing insulin resistance, fructose alters the hedonic response to food thereby driving excessive caloric intake, setting up a positive feedback loop for overconsumption.

So, have you managed to eliminate all of the artificial stuff from your meals? That is going to be my focus over the next week. I'm going to plan my meals and prepare so I'm not tempted to eat out and grab that soda. I want to live a healthy, full-of-energy life. After all, I'm here for a limited time only.

Just Feel It

Something upsetting happened Christmas Eve regarding my weight. I didn't react to it when it happened. However, I mentioned it in a comment on another's blog at a later time, and the tears just came. I said I didn't want to write about it on my own blog because it was too emotionally painful. (Just bury it and forget it).

I later realized this is exactly what this blog is for: it's a safe place to feel emotions and work them out. I bury emotions in food and sometimes numb myself from them. Gina, it's okay to feel the hurt feelings. Deal with them.

Here it is:

I was opening a food gift: an assortment of nuts, dried fruit, bagel chips, and chocolate this-n-that. As I was oo-ing and aw-ing the goodies, my 10-yr old son, Thomas, matter-of-factly said, "Don't eat all of that. You're overweight."

Everyone stopped and just looked at him. My 8 yr. old daughter put her hand on my back. Then Thomas said, "No offense."

I continued on as if nothing happened.

I was embarrassed. I was irrationally angry with my husband. I wanted to hide. I jumped to the conclusion that my son was ashamed of me.

But I ignored those feelings and continued on. Sure, it wasn't the time nor place to discuss it, but I just buried the feelings instead of at least acknowledging their existence. (Not sure if that makes sense).

Yesterday, I spoke quietly and alone with Thomas. I wanted to give him a chance to talk to me without all eyes on him and to see if there's more he wanted to say. I asked him why he told me not to eat the gift. He said, "I want you to be happy." He added that I wasn't happy being overweight. I asked if he thought I'd be happier if I was healthier. "Yes."

It dawned on me that he has snuggled next to me in the past while I've written posts for this blog. He sits and reads what I write. His comment simply came from the heart after learning about me.

Now...about those irrational feelings of anger towards my husband after Thomas's comment:

Danny and I have had fights in the past about my gaining weight, and it continues to be a sore spot for me. When Thomas said the remark Christmas Eve, I instantaneously felt that Danny taught by example that it was okay to speak to me that way.

Danny has learned to not take my weight-gain personally (if you loved me you'd lose the weight) and has emerged to be a more supportive husband instead of condemning.

I hope I can be more aware of my feelings and find a better way to deal with them (before mindlessly eating junk). I'll find a way, I know...I feel it.

You Butter Watch Out! You Butter Not Cry!

{Tangent: My 10 yr old son wanted to put the "Net Disaster" cup on my blog...click the cup to have it spill...press the icon on the right to remove it if you want. I'll indulge him for a while.}

Last Holiday: Chef Didier is speaking with Georgia Byrd, who believes she is dying:

Chef Didier: You and I, we know the secret to life

[whispers]

Chef Didier: it's butter.

{I loved that line and related it to my experiences of fad dieting. Bring back the flavor!}

we all know that too much butter has its consequences; I'm not going to go there. However, upon pondering the changes in eating habits I know I'm going to have to make for myself and my family, I had an "AH HA" moment the other day...actually, it was more like "WHAT THE SFDH DING DANG DARN" moment. Conversations my husband and I had with our kids about butter replayed over and over in my head. I couldn't believe what I was "hearing:" my husband and I tried to talk our kids into eating butter with their food!

My kids don't like butter. They like their toast with just jam. They like their cornbread plain. They like their popcorn plain. They like their banana bread plain. Their pancakes, baked potatoes, etc. Danny and I have both said to them on several occasions, "It's better with butter! You don't know what you're missing!" And, even more sickening, we'd still put it on their food...because we know what's best for them. what the(favorite explitive here)!?

And it's beyond butter. We did the same thing with ranch dressing on salads and pizza...and dips for their veggies. what is wrong with us? why am I training my kids to eat things that has no nutritional value when they don't even like it in the first place?!

I stopped pushing butter, etc.

Now, for fun... this is a tongue twister my kids like hearing me do:

Betty Botter bought some butter. "But," she said, "this butter's bitter! If I put it in my batter it will make my batter bitter, but a bit of better butter that will make my batter better." So she bought a bit of butter better that her bitter butter and she put it in her batter and her batter was not bitter. So 'twas better that Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.