Blurry and Out of Focus

It's 4 in the morning and my head is spinning with my to-do lists.  Items continue to be added to it, and the line between what is important and what is urgent is blurred.  Everything is good, but it's so easy to slip back into old, familiar eating and nonexercise patterns when there is a lot demanded from me.


I noticed lately that I'm not taking the time to truly taste my food nor eat slowly.  I'm busting over my stop signals and eating things that I don't even like much.

Source

I am by habit a "chaotic eater"* as defined by Jarah Christensen's  Eating For Your Soul.  When I multi-task and am being pulled in many directions, I don't take the time to feed myself.  Then I become famished and make poor food choices and overeat or binge on those poor choices.  Starve - binge - starve - binge.  When I'm in this chaotic mode, I hate dealing with food (especially when I'm the only one that cooks).  I don't hate cooking, but there's only so much of me and my time, and I don't want to deal with it.


So, yes, I'm slipping back into that way of  eating.  "Chaos is not conducive to listening to my body."  No kidding.


I've also traditionally been an "emotional eater."  I don't think I've slipped back into this.  If I have, then not by much.  But, I don't emotionally binge the way I used to:  buying packages/trays/bakery boxes of pastry-type stuff and digging in, sometimes crying, sometimes numbly staring off into space.


*{Other types of eaters are:  Control Eaters, Professional Dieter, Waste-Not Eater, Offend-Not Eater, Emotional Eater, and Closet Eater}.

Source

So, what am I going to do about this?  I can't be cloned.  The list isn't going away.


I am important; my well-being is good for everybody and the list.


Be still, then move
First, renew my focus.  I will take quiet time for myself -- no kids, no computer, no list  -- and meditate/ponder/pray about what I want to do for my body that day.  I'll write it down, say it out loud, come up with a mantra - something - to reinforce listening to my body.


Second, move.  I will take at least a 5 minute walk or turn on music and dance.  This is separate from regular exercise.  This is just to pump up some energy and my mood.  If I can take a quiet walk, that will help clear my head about priorities.


My plan of action doesn't seem like much, but it's a foundation.  It's so easy for me to just roll out of bed and get into auto-mommy mode and not even think about the day ahead or to let the day go by without focus nor quiet time.


What do you do to get your vision back?

Trekkin' On

I'm sorry I haven't been around lately nor visited your blogs.  Anybody else feeling the end-of-the-school-year crunch?  Reports are due.  Costumes need to be made.  Field trips attended.  It's all good but just busy.  I'll be going with my daughter on her 4th grade field trip:  a pioneer handcart trek this Friday to aid in Utah history studies.  I'm getting our "pioneer" clothing and supplies ready.

Then we'll be getting up the next morning at 5:30 to get ready for her Irish dance competition that day.

Next in line is making a sea-creature type costume for her 4th grade "opera" which she is dreading.  "It's so embarrassing," she says.  She's looking forward to making the costume, though.

I'm feeling bloated and bleh.  Last week I was roaming for chocolate.  I stopped paused myself and wondered why I wasn't listening to my stop signals.  I checked my calendar and sure enough, I was two days away from "lady time" (as a blogging friend calls it), and the urge to overeat was strong.  I became extra busy and didn't plan very well and my choices were not good.  My body has been complaining about it, too.

How was your Mother's Day?  I have a funny story.  Last Sunday, my youngest needed my help cleaning him after his BM.  So there I am, toilet paper in hand and helping him when he sweetly and sincerely said, "Happy Mother's day, Mommy."

Decoffeenated

photographyblogger.net

Oh, the aroma! Sweet heaven. I love the smell of coffee. It brings back great childhood memories of waking up every day to the familiar and comforting scent of my father's coffee.

When Danny and I were first married in '95, we used to enjoy our morning coffee together. We had our own bean grinder and would explore different flavors. At night, we enjoyed our beer and brandy. We fell in love over Malibu rum and Bob Marley. In the morning, we'd start another day with some java.

This went on until 1999 when we both decided to stop addictive substances, particularly alcohol and coffee.

Source

We were fortunate enough to be able to give up those items without too much trouble. We were abstinent for many, many years.

But, I became a coffee-drinker, again. It didn’t happen overnight. It began with caffeine tablets once per month to help me through PMS. Then it became ½ tsp instant coffee once per month. The coffee use joe-balled to more and more – stronger doses, more days per month, more times per day. I would stay up later, telling myself I’d make up for it with a cup of coffee in the morning. The longer my to-do lists became, the more I would drink. I had many excuses to justify my use.

Source

I wasn’t getting the same effect as I once did. It used to make me happier, brighten my day, reduce my anxiety, ward off depression, and give me enough energy for the demands of motherhood. Towards the end, I was more tired with uneven moods. I felt I had to have it and was dependent on it. It certainly didn’t help control my appetite; if anything, it stimulated it.

Source

I’ve been studying intuitive eating and exercising the past several months. Those things emphasize listening to the body. It dawned on me that I was not listening to my body’s cues and was instead trying to manipulate them with coffee. 

Source

About that time, I became ill. I thought this was a perfect time to completely detox from caffeine. I felt horrible anyway, what were a few more caffeine headaches/migraines?

That was a few weeks ago, and I see and feel a huge difference now that I vowed to not drink coffee anymore. I wake easily in the morning. I fall asleep faster at night. I do get tired in the afternoon, but instead of ignoring my body’s signal for rest, I honor it and sit or lie down for 5-10 minutes with my eyes closed. I’m not groggy afterwards. To perk up (and if I have time), I take a 10-20 minute walk. Sometimes dancing around the kitchen is a good substitute. And, without the stimulating caffeine, I can also listen to my body’s true hunger cues. My next goal is to simplify my life so I don’t have a marathon of activities tempting me to bring on the brew, again.

I still love the smell and have a coffee-scented candle. Gotta say, though, it feels good to be decoffeenated.

Source

Has anyone else given up coffee (or sodas)?