I'm In Shape: Round Shape

I know, I know, I haven't been around lately, but I have been round. Actually, I'm becoming rounder by the day.


I've been numb. It's mostly self-inflicted numbness. The compulsive eating and binging...well, let's just say it's still there. Focus has been challenging.


And the disappointment in myself? Vast.


Several weeks ago while I was active with the C25K program, I saw an ad for a "Running With Angels" 5K to be held in June. I was excited. I even envisioned training with my mother-in-law when she and my FIL came to visit from France the end of May, kind of a bonding experience. Surely I'd be more fit and tone by then. What I'm leaving out is I saw that flyer in a Great Harvest bakery and read it while stuffing my face sampling their wholesome goodness. The stuffing sampling just hasn't stopped. The running did. I never signed up. I've gained around ten pounds. My fit-n-trim, perfectly dressed and coiffed in-laws arrived a few days ago, and I can barely button my pants.


I'm a big disappointment, to say the least.


I have felt too guilty to spend time blogging. My attention has been needed elsewhere, and if I even looked at the computer to contemplate logging on, the guilt-factor would stop me. (Why can't that work with junk food?)


Have I given up? No, although it does kinda look like it, and there certainly hasn't been any commitment on my part. I have to work on getting some feeling back and build focus-endurance.


I've started walking again the past few days. Right now, it's not even about the weight. Walking eases my anxiety and depression and does help with some of my ability to focus and remember.


I think writing also exercises my brain. Maybe I can figure out a way to set aside some blog-time for myself. Until then, see ya 'round.

Life is Hard Quote and Monthly Report

Life is Hard;

It's Even Harder When You're Stupid.

(Do What Works In Life).

Last Sunday's speaker at church is a high school coach, and he has a sign in his office with John Wayne's quote and the addition "Do what works in life" underneath. He spoke about coaching the kids and having them answer, "What does work in life?" He said they come up with a long list including kindness, respect, integrity, honesty, dependability, prayer, hard work, etc.

What works in life on a fitness journey? Kindness to self, planning, patience, persistence, prayer, lots of water, exercise, portion control, more veggies and whole foods, less sugar and processed foods, rest, balance, gratitude, getting support, giving service, quality gym shoes.

Am I stupid?

Okay, that's not very kind to myself, I know, but the only thing I have persistently done is have quality gym shoes. Today's monthly weigh-in shows me at 207#. I'm not surprised. I haven't been doing what works.

Let's look in this box of silver-linings {rummaging...it's gotta be here somewhere...ah, here it is}: I see a difference in calf-definition. The c25k is making a difference in calf tone. I've always seen my right calf, but my left calf hid in fat, had no definition and was an inch and a half larger than the right. (Yeah, someone kindly pointed out to me 20 years ago that my left leg is larger than my right). So, I'm developing muscles. Yay!

Another silver lining is my meal planning is almost complete with new, healthier recipes.

About my couch-to-5K training: I was doing well the first few weeks. Then MWF turned into MWS, then just MW last week. It's been a week w/o it. Again, I stay up too late and dread getting up early in the cold.

A lot of my journey is just breaking bad habits, but there's a little stupid mixed in there, too.

Consistency

(This has nothing to do with my post, but it made me laugh).

I went to church today. The member-speaker spoke on family scripture study and family prayer. She, as a mom, often feels the frustration and uncertainty if any of her kids heard or understood what she just read and spoke about or if they felt the spirit during the prayer. But she does it anyway. She said they had family unity and closeness and grew together. She credits that to the consistency of their prayers and study, even though she doesn't know if they focused completely on what was said or not. The overall affect was desirable. They all did get something out of it.

I don't know if the 3 sets of 15 reps did anything yesterday, or if it will do anything tomorrow. I look the same before I did the reps as I do afterwards. But if I'm consistent, in time the overall affect will be desirable.

*8*8*8*8*8

My mom e-mailed this to me tonight:

Dear Gina,

May today be all you need it to be. May the peace of God and the freshness of the Holy Spirit rest in your thoughts, rule in your dreams tonight, and conquer all your fears... May God manifest himself today in ways you have never experienced. May your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer, and your prayers be answered... I pray that faith enters a new height for you; I pray that your territory is enlarged. I pray for peace, healing, health, happiness, prosperity, joy, true and undying love for God. (author unknown)

Thanks, Mom.

Primal Stride Challenge: 5 at 5

Challenge: 5 at 5...5k at 5a.m. for 7 days beginning Jan. 1

I will wake up and walk for 1 hour or 3 miles, whichever comes first.

It might be nice to walk in the snow. In the dark. Alone.

(Mom, Dad, don't read this).

I'm not good with change. The desire is there, especially during quiet moments like going to bed or sitting in church. Once I get up (and running behind), I'm on automatic and just do what I see in front of me that needs to be done (feed kids and the pets, clean this and that, etc). And, because I usually don't see me in front of me, I don't get done. So, as far as working out, before I can step it up, I have to have something to step up.

I'm trying to figure out how fit fitness around my busy life. Maybe what I should be doing is trying to fit my life around fitness.

Maybe this challenge will be good for me. Change things up a bit.