The Big, Sweet Challenge

{Ah...a quiet home. Husband is at an elders' quorum meeting. Kids are at a fall-festival party at church. I almost don't know which direction to go. Do I watch the tv...I rarely get the chance? Do I find something on my to-do list? Take a warm bath? Call my parents? I'm often frustrated that I can't finish a thought enough to write in a journal...or blog...or to plan something out. So, I better use the time for that.}

Okay...so...think of something. No pressure. Time's just a-tickin' away. ......wow, I can actually hear the clock ticking...and the dog breathing. ....Hmmm. Where's the stifled buds of creativity just waiting to bloom?

Well...I started this blog to help me focus on becoming healthy....by 41...maybe 42 ;-P

Anyway, I will be 41 in January. I've become quite depressed about my eating habits and lack of physical exercise. I had 3 grandparents with diabetes and heart disease. I don't want to be on that boat.

When I was younger, I used to see obese people and think, "They must want to be that way, otherwise, why don't they just start eating better?" and "Don't they see they're getting bigger?" Now, my heart goes out to them, and I wonder if I'm on the same path. I've lost weight. Gained it, plus more. Lost weight. Gained it, plus more. Etc. AND...maybe it's just my imagination...but sugar seems to have a tighter grip on me each go-around. Cravings seem stronger. Ability to say no is weaker.

Is sugar addicting? Alcohol is addicting. Nicotine. Narcotics. How can I even put sugar in the same category as those other life-altering chemicals?

Maybe sugar over-consumption is just a really, really bad habit. Some people can have it in moderation...they know when to stop. It's all or nothing for me. I stop when it's gone or I'm about to throw up. I can't just have a taste.

I have to change the bad habit. Once and for all. I'm scared. If I fail again, what's going to happen to me?

My husband used to tell me I choose food over him (he wanted me fitter and healthier).  He has since learned that getting on my case about my eating habits and physical size doesn't help one bit. I gotta get there on my own. He brought up a good point, though: if I was destroying myself with alcohol, cigarettes, narcotics, etc., should he stay quiet and not plead with me to change?

I can't help but feel that overcoming this food "addiction" is going to be one of the biggest challenges of my life.

I'm not ready to go whole-hog, yet. ("whole-hog?" when have I ever used that expression?)

I'm starting slow. Build one or two good habits at a time. Now, it's drinking more water during the day and stop eating after 7:30 p.m. Maybe I'll start taking vitamin supplements soon.

I need to start taking care of my spiritual health, too. That cup is empty.