I'm In Shape: Round Shape

I know, I know, I haven't been around lately, but I have been round. Actually, I'm becoming rounder by the day.


I've been numb. It's mostly self-inflicted numbness. The compulsive eating and binging...well, let's just say it's still there. Focus has been challenging.


And the disappointment in myself? Vast.


Several weeks ago while I was active with the C25K program, I saw an ad for a "Running With Angels" 5K to be held in June. I was excited. I even envisioned training with my mother-in-law when she and my FIL came to visit from France the end of May, kind of a bonding experience. Surely I'd be more fit and tone by then. What I'm leaving out is I saw that flyer in a Great Harvest bakery and read it while stuffing my face sampling their wholesome goodness. The stuffing sampling just hasn't stopped. The running did. I never signed up. I've gained around ten pounds. My fit-n-trim, perfectly dressed and coiffed in-laws arrived a few days ago, and I can barely button my pants.


I'm a big disappointment, to say the least.


I have felt too guilty to spend time blogging. My attention has been needed elsewhere, and if I even looked at the computer to contemplate logging on, the guilt-factor would stop me. (Why can't that work with junk food?)


Have I given up? No, although it does kinda look like it, and there certainly hasn't been any commitment on my part. I have to work on getting some feeling back and build focus-endurance.


I've started walking again the past few days. Right now, it's not even about the weight. Walking eases my anxiety and depression and does help with some of my ability to focus and remember.


I think writing also exercises my brain. Maybe I can figure out a way to set aside some blog-time for myself. Until then, see ya 'round.

Happy Mother's-Heart Day

This goes to each of you women out there that have taken a moment to give words of encouragement to me or others. You have a mother's heart.

This is to you that take the time to explain things on your blog so others may benefit. You have a mother's heart.

This is to you that upload video recordings and photos of recipes and exercise techniques for us visual learners. You have a mother's heart.

You don't get paid. You may not even get a thank you. Yet, you do it anyway.

I know you aren't my mom. I may even be old enough to be your mom.

Maybe you haven't given birth. (And if that is an unfulfilled dream, I am sorry for your heartache).

You don't have to be a biological mom to have a mother's heart. This day is for you, too.

Your nurturing spirit feeds us all.

Thank you.

The Weight Thing

I weigh-in the 24th of each month and post the results to the right. You wouldn't know by looking at the data, but I've actually lost over 35 pounds since October. I weigh in, gain several pounds during the month, and then lose it before the next weigh-in. Obviously, I know how to lose weight and am good at it. It's keeping it off that I'm horrible at. It's like something switches off in my brain...something that controls the logical you-don't-want-to-do-this mechanism when confronted with food choices. And it's cyclic.

I'm not giving up. I know I'm making good changes, it's just disheartening to see the numbers.

There's things I can do to work through this like writing down what I eat each day, what's my mood, sleep amount, menstruation cycle, exercise, etc. I really, REALLY don't want to do that, but maybe I'll see a pattern after a few months and know where to shift my attention for change. Oh, I don't want the headache of adding yet another thing to my to-do list, but maybe it's necessary for the time being. I've read that it helps others. Why can't I just eat normally?

Any thoughts?

Update: Sx, Jogging, Computer Allergy

Working Out Pays Off

It's been two weeks since my mom had her surgery (hip revision). She's doing great and was sent home early. Her recovery is going incredibly fast this time compared to her other hip revision last year. Why the difference? SHE TRAINED. She strengthened her upper body to prepare lifting and skootching herself around. She strengthened her leg muscles, especially the one having the surgery. She practiced not being able to put support on one leg. She also reduced her weight. All of this payed off as the hospital staff and we looked dropped-jawed in amazement at what she has accomplished.

Did she look tone and buff like Jillian Michaels? No. She's petite and has had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was two. Every joint in her body is affected. She doesn't have full range-of-motion in shoulders, elbows, nor wrists. BUT SHE DID WHAT SHE COULD WITH WHAT SHE HAD. Her efforts were rewarded.

Here's my point: you don't have to look like weight-trainer to be a weight-trainer. You may not see much of a difference in the mirror, but your body is reveling in the fact you're being good to it, and it will be good to you. Don't give up nor compare yourself to others.

Jogging

I kept my running up while in Arizona, although I've missed a week since being back home. It's funny, while jogging here in Utah, it's usually dark or cloudy. I never see my shadow. I have this athlete-image in my head of myself while I feel my muscles working. Then in Arizona, I caught a glimpse of my shadow while jogging. "Who's that big, bubble-butt woman following me?" (sigh, then I tell myself, I don't have to look like a runner to be a runner).

Computer Allergy?

It's been nice to unplug for a while. I didn't have much of a choice, though. Responsibilities and priorities are mounting. And, I have this incredible case of spring fever where I want to pull weeds, wash windows, get my vegetable garden ready, and plant a few flowers. I haven't been able to focus much on putting complete sentences together for a post. I've also been testing the computer allergy thing: sure enough, my first two fingers begin swelling and stiffening after computer use, some sort of contact dermatitis. I don't know what is in the computer, maybe nickel or triphenyl phosphate (more info here). Triphenyl phosphate is a flame-retardant used in computers. When the computer gets hot, its gas is emitted. Interesting because I usually don't have allergies to anything.

Well, blogging friends, I hope the universe is treating you kindly, and I hope you are treating you kindly, too.

C25K Week 7, AZ, Computer Allergy (?), and Part 2 Repost

C25K Week 7 (What's a C25K? Click here).

Monday - Ugghhhh I was so happy when the 25 minutes were up. It was difficult. My shins were hurting. I didn't have my ipod. (But Danny came with me :)

(Tuesday - walked 3 miles with Danny)

Wednesday - I did it. And, I kept going. After the 25 minutes I realized my legs didn't hurt, and I was breathing fine. I wondered if I could keep going. I did. I jogged for 3 miles. I JOGGED FOR 3 MILES!!! Not for three steps, three houses, nor three blocks...three miles. Fireworks were going off in my head. I was choked up and cried a little. (Did have ipod, no Danny).

(Thursday - went to IKEA and walked for about 100 miles inside there - lol , actually, I forgot my 3 mile walk that day)

Friday - 3 miles, Baby! (uh huh, uh huh, that's right! uh huh) 41.09 minutes. Slow as molasses, I know. That's okay. Danny came with. I didn't have my ipod, but Danny has a radio in his phone and put it on for me the last stretch up the hill.

Instead of finishing the C25K's last 2 weeks, I'm going to see about improving my time for the 3 miles. MWF-jog. TThS-walk.

Click here for another C25K success story. Leah from "My New Ending" just ran her first 5K race. Did she come in first place? In the race, no. In her life, yes. Way to go, Leah!

Arizona

I'll be unplugging for a week+ and heading for Arizona. Mom is having surgery, and I want to be there for her and my dad. She has had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis throughout her body since she was 2. She's had both hips and both knees replaced. It's been 30+ years from the first time her hips were done; they are worn out. Now she's having hip revisions. She's been in her own training program getting ready for surgeries. She keeps her weight down and has been strengthening her arms and leg muscles preparing for this surgery. She's been a great example to me.

Computer Allergy?

I suspect I'm having some sort of reaction to our computer. My index and mid finger (right hand only) get sore and swell up. Those are the fingers that are on the touch pad/mouse. When they get sore, I use my ring and pinky fingers (R hand). Then they get sore. It gets really bad if I'm on the computer for a long time. My neck itches. My sinuses get stuffed up. Strange, huh?I've drastically reduced my time blogging. I read more than comment. Unplugging for a week will be good. (We have a DELL XPS M1330 with silver touch pad).

Oh, and here is Part 2: Reposting Danny's entry "Torrid Affair" over at Larkspur's "Am I Really That Fat/The Back Forty."

Requested Re-Post, Part 1

Hello! I'm a guest-blogger today over at Larkspur's Am I Really That Fat? . It's a slightly-modified re-post of "When A Spouse Calls You Fat."

C25K Report - Week 6 and Comparisons

C25k-Week 6: Done!

One morning, someone was baking something wonderful, and it filled the neighborhood. On Wednesday, someone must have hit a skunk on the main road...not so wonderful.

On that same morning, I was so proud I got my keister out of bed and was actually running. Then two walkers passed me. For a moment, I was discouraged. Then these words shouted in my head: Don't compare yourself to others!!! I will only compare myself to myself. I am making great changes. Although my jog is just a putt-putt jog, I am using different muscles than if I were walking. And, I'm improving. I can feel it.

This morning I looked at my watch after my first mile. It said 7.5 minutes. What? Really? Oh, wait. That's 22 minus 7.5 which equals 14.5 minutes (my neurons don't fire quickly at o-dark thirty). That's nothing close to a 7.5 minute mile. Then it hit me: Gina, you just jogged 14.5 minutes straight, and you're still doing it. Your legs haven't fallen off. You haven't coughed up blood. You're doing it! (goofy little dance)

Compare yourself only to yourself.

"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."

Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)

You are that worthy purpose.