Sunday, December 27, 2009

Just Feel It

Something upsetting happened Christmas Eve regarding my weight. I didn't react to it when it happened. However, I mentioned it in a comment on another's blog at a later time, and the tears just came. I said I didn't want to write about it on my own blog because it was too emotionally painful. (Just bury it and forget it).

I later realized this is exactly what this blog is for: it's a safe place to feel emotions and work them out. I bury emotions in food and sometimes numb myself from them. Gina, it's okay to feel the hurt feelings. Deal with them.

Here it is:

I was opening a food gift: an assortment of nuts, dried fruit, bagel chips, and chocolate this-n-that. As I was oo-ing and aw-ing the goodies, my 10-yr old son, Thomas, matter-of-factly said, "Don't eat all of that. You're overweight."

Everyone stopped and just looked at him. My 8 yr. old daughter put her hand on my back. Then Thomas said, "No offense."

I continued on as if nothing happened.

I was embarrassed. I was irrationally angry with my husband. I wanted to hide. I jumped to the conclusion that my son was ashamed of me.

But I ignored those feelings and continued on. Sure, it wasn't the time nor place to discuss it, but I just buried the feelings instead of at least acknowledging their existence. (Not sure if that makes sense).

Yesterday, I spoke quietly and alone with Thomas. I wanted to give him a chance to talk to me without all eyes on him and to see if there's more he wanted to say. I asked him why he told me not to eat the gift. He said, "I want you to be happy." He added that I wasn't happy being overweight. I asked if he thought I'd be happier if I was healthier. "Yes."

It dawned on me that he has snuggled next to me in the past while I've written posts for this blog. He sits and reads what I write. His comment simply came from the heart after learning about me.

Now...about those irrational feelings of anger towards my husband after Thomas's comment:
Danny and I have had fights in the past about my gaining weight, and it continues to be a sore spot for me. When Thomas said the remark Christmas Eve, I instantaneously felt that Danny taught by example that it was okay to speak to me that way.

Danny has learned to not take my weight-gain personally (if you loved me you'd lose the weight) and has emerged to be a more supportive husband instead of condemning.

I hope I can be more aware of my feelings and find a better way to deal with them (before mindlessly eating junk). I'll find a way, I know...I feel it.


  1. Oh my goodness, that is intense. I've had those moments too, in the 18 years I've carried 40 extra pounds. And yet everyone's AHA seems to be different. Mine was mainly that I don't want to be diabetic, or at least not yet. I see very stout middle aged women with thinning hair-- thyroid problems showing up, somehow tied in with extra weight-- and I think, I don't want that to be me.

    The other piece to my willingness to change was finding a way to do it that wasn't really all that horribly hard. It really isn't, most of the time anyway. I don't have to eat cookies every day. It's okay. I like what I do eat and I feel so much better on the right stuff. Maybe if I could still digest and thrive on anything I'd be 25 pounds heavier, I don't know.

    I'm so proud of you for writing about this. Tough subject and you write really movingly. How nice that your daughter touched you comfortingly. Pretty perceptive for 8, huh?

  2. Gina, I love that your son wanted you happy. A beautiful sentiment. I responded this before when I first read your comment elsewhere but I am still there... you can do this & yes, the key is learning how to deal with those emotions & finding alternative good habits to replace the bad habits. Don't turn to food but turn to exercise, friends, a walk, a talk with yourself or anything else first. That emotional eating can become the catch 22 we don't want!

  3. Hey Gina, do you mind if I link you on my blog? :)

  4. I'd be honored.

    Thanks to you both for checking in on me.

  5. Gina, dad here.
    I talked with Tommy personally about how, if he felt he needed/wanted to comment on your weight, it should have been with you privately, not in a party atmosphere with others around. He seemed to under-
    stand. I should have called him on his comment right when he made it. Not always sure when to intervene and when not to, but I should have. Love you.

  6. Ouch.

    I am completely unqualified to talk about How to Speak to a Son, but I can empathize with being on the receiving end of comments from family members. (In my case, brothers.)

    And I just have to say that the photo on your sidebar is a beauuuuutiful picture of your German Shepherd :)

  7. It's okay to be hurt. Very understandable. The is definitely a great place to let your feelings out, but even if you don't choose to do it here please do it somewhere. Dealing with those feelings will help greatly in your journey.

    I'm sorry that your husband was condemning in the past and I'm glad he's becoming supportive. That will help you a lot, I'm sure.

    I think, speaking from my experiences, dealing the emotional side of things might be more important at the beginning. You can reach your goals, but you're going to have to deal with these issues in the process.

    Take care! We're here for you!

  8. I'm sorry Gina! He obviously didn't mean to hurt you even if it did. Sounds like you had a good talk though and I'm glad you decided to write about your feelings.