Sunday, January 17, 2010

Binger Confessions



My goals are to add good habits to eventually replace the bad habits. I've started the C25K program, yoga every other day, finding and testing healthier recipes, and adding more green veggies each day. The good stuff is happening. The bad is still there.

I binged. Again. Not sure why. As I was eating, I tried to ask myself what am I feeling, what just happened, etc. No answers. No feelings, really. Everything was shut down. All I was focused on was how incredibly wonderful the junk tasted (eyes rolling into the back of my head).

I just bought it. No one offered it to me. I just scored a fix almost mindlessly. Like a spoiled child, "I want that." I certainly wasn't starving.

A package of NY style éclairs (4 in D.O.C.), 1 1/2 boxes Little Debbie's Valentine cakes (shared a couple of packages with kids), 3 jumbo Butterfingers (they were on sale). This and whatever sugar-laden thing I could find at home.

I'm not terribly upset. Concerned, but not falling apart. Maybe my calmness is from knowing I am making changes one step at a time, and this step will come, too. This step being to one day be free from compulsively eating and craving sweet, creamy, gooey things.

Right now I weigh 208 pounds, up from my last monthly report on the right.

What the heck am I doing to my body? What do my arteries look like inside?

This week, no sugary junk. I can do that for a week. I'll leave it out of my Shrek Shake and other recipes. I'll go for fruit in the afternoon when I really have cravings. Maybe this will help change my taste buds.

Wish me luck.


  1. Oh shoot, how frustrating. Glad you are keeping it in perspective though, and focusing on moving forward and not beating yourself up.

  2. I can totally relate here! I was just over 200 about a month ago. I have made my way down to 186 and back up to about 192-193 in the last little while. Bleck its hard!

    Somethings that I find help me:

    1. When I want to eat, I immediately do a quick work out video (Denise Austins 12min ones are super). Then I ask myself... do I want to undo the work I just did???

    I also find that just by doing the mini workout it motivates me to do a full one later in the day. I was surprised by this result but it happened.

    2. I tell myself rather than obsessing about food, I should try for one minute to pray, ask God for help with it, or simply ask someone else (hubby, friend, dog,).

    3. I tell myself just wait 10 mins and if you still 'need' it, have it. By then, the craving has usually gotten less intense... and even if I give in, it reminds me I DO still have some self control and makes me feel like maybe next time I can go 15 mins.

    Good post though, gave me an idea for a one myself....

  3. Gina, I think the key is to try to figure out why you still ate the stuff even as you knew you really did not want to.

    When I get like this, I always make a pact with myself that I will step away first for 10-15 minutes to talk to myself about it & why I want it & what it will take to work it off & how it will take me steps backwards from the progress I made. I also get on the computer or start doing other things away from the food & get myself away from it.

    Most of the time when I follow thru on the talking to, I get past it. If I don't, I know what I did & realize the consequences whether I like them or not. :-)

  4. I think it's 100% normal to experience binges both before, during, and after a time of weight loss. I know I did. Sometimes I could pinpoint a trigger and othertimes I just seemed to want it really, really badly.

    I'm glad that you aren't beating yourself up about it but rather looking at it logically and formulating a plan to combat the urges.

  5. OMG, it's so nice to hear that I'm not the only one. This past weekend was the first time that I came to a realization that I binge... I really scared me to be honest.

  6. I was right there with you over the past three to four pms-y days. Erg. Ticks me off. I am back on track today and my goal is to finish strong! Hang in there. And..yes...GOOD to identify that it was a binge and to analyze the hows and whys of it. That is what I try to do, too.