Sunday, January 17, 2010
My goals are to add good habits to eventually replace the bad habits. I've started the C25K program, yoga every other day, finding and testing healthier recipes, and adding more green veggies each day. The good stuff is happening. The bad is still there.
I binged. Again. Not sure why. As I was eating, I tried to ask myself what am I feeling, what just happened, etc. No answers. No feelings, really. Everything was shut down. All I was focused on was how incredibly wonderful the junk tasted (eyes rolling into the back of my head).
I just bought it. No one offered it to me. I just scored a fix almost mindlessly. Like a spoiled child, "I want that." I certainly wasn't starving.
A package of NY style éclairs (4 in package...my D.O.C.), 1 1/2 boxes Little Debbie's Valentine cakes (shared a couple of packages with kids), 3 jumbo Butterfingers (they were on sale). This and whatever sugar-laden thing I could find at home.
I'm not terribly upset. Concerned, but not falling apart. Maybe my calmness is from knowing I am making changes one step at a time, and this step will come, too. This step being to one day be free from compulsively eating and craving sweet, creamy, gooey things.
Right now I weigh 208 pounds, up from my last monthly report on the right.
What the heck am I doing to my body? What do my arteries look like inside?
This week, no sugary junk. I can do that for a week. I'll leave it out of my Shrek Shake and other recipes. I'll go for fruit in the afternoon when I really have cravings. Maybe this will help change my taste buds.
Wish me luck.